What to do when you hate yourself???
Disclaimer; I am not a mental health professional, I am not a counselor of any, I am not a psychologist or Psychiatrist. I cannot diagnose you, I am not attempting to, I am here to state and document helpful relative steps that have helped me scale through my dark phase. If you see “you” in my story, feel free to adopt any of these self-help directives that might be of help.
I know I rant and talk a lot about life on the blog, finding yourself, understanding your journey and navigating seamlessly through the bridges that we are exposed to as life is a catalog of experience.
It’s a pathway that shapes- it can be a roller coaster, it can be a befitting adventure and one would think that I am at the tip of crushing the claws of survival, that I am an expert at this thing called life but I am simply a student to the mistakes, knowledge, and lessons learned through each phase.
I am still opening up and understanding life theory and systems. And the truth is I still fall, I still hit the backdrop of pain, confusion and worry at one point.
There are times when I struggle with the pressure on how to overcome depression, I seek for answers and directions on what to do when I hate this body, what to do when I hate my life as a whole, when I search for strategies from the situation of dealing with depression so you are not alone on that.
If you have been doing life for a while, you’ll understand that it can be a mountain of joy and other times the darkest tunnel to dig through, and you can always find yourself through the perplexing situation on what to do when you hate yourself. I want you to know and understand that we all go through some truly dark phases and it’s normal.
I face battles in my mind and you are not alone, there have been days when I’m sucked into the bosom of fear and give way to all the reasons why I feel less and insufficient, days when I count my limitations and mistakes as badges of defeat.
Days where I swell with hate and my flesh becomes too weak to carry my bones, days where I didn’t know what to do when I hated myself, nights when truth ruptures from my lips and my mouth become a temple of lies. Nights when all I want to do is jump at of my body, I question every value that survival has ever crafted on me and fear seizes me.
So I know the gloom that is attached at rock bottom, I know the feeling so well. I know how difficult it is to find the right answers and steps to take on what to do when you hate yourself. I had digested and let that sink inside of me for so long.
I know how your chest feels sore; your knees buckle on the idea of strength, I understand the confusing state of finding solutions and answers to pull you out or direct you on what to do when you hate yourself, I understand the tug of war the mind rages with peace.
How the taste of the sun on the skin is paralyzing. It’s so damn hard to even think of releasing, healing, finding yourself from that state and it’s okay. I am with you. You are at a point where life is empty and it’s so hard to keep it all together. Let it flow; cry if you want to, vent but be gentle with yourself in the process.
I want you to know that even the moon cannot stay whole forever and even when the moon is at her emptiest she finds a way to smile- Pavana Reddy
My darling, I want you to know that you exemplify every love language of God. I know how hard it is running through those dark tunnels, searching for deep answers, confused about what to do when you hate yourself but I want you to know that you are not alone, I have been there before and I am here for you- I mean every single one of these words.
I want you to know of all the reasons the universe chooses to bring you here; it is because the earth needs you to survive. It brought you to preserve life because you are a life-giver, you carry unique strength tucked into your spine sometimes too heavy you bend and that’s totally okay.
Trust me that depressing cell is restricting you behind the bars of taking charge as the universe is in constant vibration and in need of your COME BACK!
This is one of the vulnerable articles/ resources I have put up on the blog but I want you to get the value of your purpose and understand your ordinance through every phase, so stay with me.
Depression is real, the harsh claws of survival are real, the clutches of pain that we all get caged in one phase or the other is real- from accumulated failures, the spike of fear, mistakes, pain, it is all real. We are often taught how to maintain a physical balanced system but not so much of an emphasis is placed on our mental state.
Depression can look like:
- Battling your accomplishments.
- Feeling inadequate and incompetent.
- Believing you are not enough.
- Attributing your success to external factors.
So at this point, I want you to trust me with these tips, resources, and tools that have guided me through the dark corners of depression, self-hate, self-sabotage, and limitations. Firstly I want you to
1. Exhale, You Are Doing The Best You Can Right Now
Take a pause to appreciate how far you’ve come, you’ve grown more beautiful and have done more work than you may realize.
2. Release It All Out
Cry if you want to, get that confusing vibration and suffocation off your chest with this cleansing ritual. Let it all out- how you feel the pain, panic, fear, anxiety, hurt, betrayal but be gentle with yourself.
You can also dump all these on paper and if they are too personal shred the paper immediately but just get it all out. Not all of the pain immediately, bits of it, even if it’s just a little will do.
3. Journal
Empty your thoughts and emotions, journaling and meditation are two powerful tools if properly activated will give you a standard shift in your life. Journaling and writing saved me even just a few lines of truth; two words of releasing your emotions can be the best relieving prescription.
I don’t know where I’ll be without constantly writing for myself and sharing bits of empowerment to you. And I urge you to develop the interest and habit of journaling, cleansing your mind for evaluation, clarity, and growth.
It doesn’t have to be long, you can purchase my guided journal if you have no clue on how to effectively journal. It doesn’t have to be every day or night but can just have a simple 2 mins or 5 mins routine where you detox your mental state.
It can be as simple as writing a self-forgiveness letter, addressing your fears, sending voicemails to anxiety, releasing those bad thoughts.
Journaling is the ultimate tool for figuring out who you are, the major way you’ll discover yourself as you learn and grow. It helps you explore your healing in a totally safe space, it allows you to get deep with yourself and understand yourself on a deeper level. It’s so powerful that journaling can give you the answers to what to do when you hate yourself.
4. Accept That The Storm Will Pass
Yes! being in a state of disunity, grief, pain, depression or self-hate is a phase we all continually go through and will always scale through. I know this is a bitter truth to swallow. Place your hands beside your chest and say “I’ll overcome eventually”.
Life is a collection of phases, to adequately grow and manage the various sections that we hold up as humans, we must be tried from all areas. I have been hooked on this phase of self-sabotage, insufficiency, feeling awful and I always look back and appreciate the stamp of trial. It’s simply the act of forging gold through the flames to beat off every impurity.
Those areas in your life that need to be carved and worked must be and after that phase, it’s time to come out of the shell and manifest. Life is a collage fixed through the low and high times so do not throw those pieces away.
5. Get In Tune With Yourself
Getting in tune with yourself, loving yourself and understanding the parts of you is a process, it is not something that happens overnight. Getting in tune with yourself can be reconnecting with yourself in several ways like:
- Approaching yourself with curiosity and openness.
- Observing yourself without judgment.
- Check-in with yourself throughout the way.
- Being honest with yourself.
- Speaking to yourself with respect.
- Spending time meditating/ reflecting (e.g Journaling).
- Practicing recognizing your intuition.
- Moving your body.
ccc: Millennial.therapist
Through this challenging process, give yourself permission to acknowledge and validate all your feelings. You don’t have to suppress your feelings instead let them flow.
6. Seek Help
Seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness; it connotes so much strength of evaluation and the hunger to make important changes.
I find it traumatic to confide in people or build secret huts of my truth within the knowledge of people be it close friends, counselors or whoever and coming out of such shell strengthened me as a whole. Knowing and speaking to the right people will elevate and strengthen your journey in life.
In that dark or difficult wave, when you don’t know what to do when you hate yourself it’s best to stick your hands out for help, it may be peeling down your vulnerability but letting vulnerability slide down your sleeves isn’t a wrong or weak idea.
It takes a lot of courage to get the strength to pull down those blinds and come transparent. And in the long run, having an instructor or a rescuer bring you out of the sinking waves isn’t a bad idea at all, it simply shows you better ways to dive right into survival and the right strokes to take at several waves.
I know this can be hard but it’s the route down to wellness. Whenever you feel overwhelmed or haunted, you are not alone, we all as humans experience this, we all feel overstretched mentally and physically sometimes. This doesn’t mean you must always get professional help or support.
Talking to a friend you are comfortable with and trust his or her judgment can be relieving but sometimes professional support can help. You might be stuck with the questions;
- At what point should I ask for help?
- Is seeking help right for me?
- When should I tackle these problems on my own?
And these deep questions can be complicated. I suggest you take it slowly, try to sit with yourself and attempt to seek support from your self and loved ones and if it fails then that will be a point to ask for help.
Do not cause yourself more harm by conceiving the thoughts that ‘’You are strong on your own’’, Mental distress exists so do not allow your mental state to destroy you. Get rid of the perception that seeking help is embarrassing because survival isn’t always a journey you can win alone, you need support.
7. Be Patient With Yourself
Coming out of a depressing or self-hate state doesn’t happen in a click; it’s a process that can take time so do not lose control or feel helpless if you don’t find yourself progressing immediately.
Give yourself some time to grow through it, to embrace the parts of you that you have constantly belittled, to overcome the fear of failure, to stop belittling your accomplishments, attributing your success to an external factor, let go of the buds of imposter syndrome. It’s a lot of work to change, so do not go with the notion of immediate effect.
We are not perfect and we are faced with several stumbling blocks, days when you are lost and tired and that’s totally okay because we all get tired and exhausted at one point so grease your growth with patience and consistency.
8. Fuel Positivity
This may seem like an impossible task on the list of what to do when you hate yourself at that time of grief, self-hate, and depression. I want you to utter some positive words declaring your worth, reaffirming your strength even if the words are lost underneath your breath. Utter them, write them on paper. Simple words like
- I am enough!!!
- I am a collection of wonders adorned in flesh, these bones have been woven with a magical thread!
- My body always exists as enough in each fold, lineage, stride, and curve; this vessel is emboldened with uniqueness!
- I am unique
- My beauty goes beyond the eyes of the society!
- Everything about me is starting to feel enough!
- I am perfect in every strand of imperfection!
We have a host of positive declaration you can hang on your positivity wall if you follow me on Instagram you’ll already have access to all these positive words to declare over yourself or profess to yourself daily in the self-improvement journal that is just a click away from this. Unique positive words of encouragement and strength that are peculiar to my story and experience have brought me out of my down and dark times, more like a reminder of my value and they can help you scale through the confusion of what to do when you hate yourself.
9. Forgive, Let It Go And Be Compassionate
In our journey of survival, we are exposed to several challenges that affect how we embrace reality and our experience as a whole greatly influence our sanity and the perception we choose to build over time.
Life won’t always be gentle, sometimes you’ll come across bad people that will try to bring you down, you’ll lose balance, get off track, be hurt and confused, it’s all part of the process, so my friend do not hold on to it, do not hold on to what taunts you or make you feel less of a person.
I know this is hard but you can do it! The fear of reoccurrence is the biggest taunter of forgiveness but carrying these burdens through your journey will weigh you down so let go.
Forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgive yourself of all of the relationships and friendships you settled for when you weren’t in your power.
10. Invest In Yourself And Build Your Esteem
When you love yourself and know your worth, what you allow looks different, overcoming self-hate and self-dejection is a lot of work, it entails adopting a lot of principles and setting the right boundaries and standards for yourself.
I know that this may be the most difficult thing to do but I want you to be gentle with yourself, do not try to cleanse yourself of this hate by hurting yourself, venting out your pain by abusing yourself physically or mentally.
Throughout this process I want you to show in-depth love for yourself, treat yourself the way you’ll treat your baby. You have the power to give yourself the type of love that you always wanted but assumed could only be given by others, so grace every fiber of your structure.
11. Employ Gratitude
There are times when I want to back down or take a back step on survival but when I reminisce on how far I have come, how many waves have been pushed down for me to be in this present state, the strength to keep up the journey is rekindled.
Gratitude is essential in life, it is a key ingredient of peace, satisfaction, clarity, and growth. There is so much to be thankful for in our lives that we do not often acknowledge.
Gratitude is one of my major goals for this year; I want to give more thanks and appreciate those that are around me- my physical and spiritual family that have assisted and guided me in getting to where I am today.
On that low spill with all the dark thoughts coming in, take some time to track your journey, you’ll see that there have always been rainbows surfacing at every point even in the darkest storm so let that be a badge of assurance that this too will pass, adding to your catalog of gratitude, making your heart full and of a better person.
So, my love, I hope this article has given you a glimpse of what to do when you hate yourself. I want you to take this as a gentle reminder; Seasons of loneliness don’t come to punish you, but to beautifully transform you.
Trust the solitude, the waves, and the storm. This might sound so threatening and difficult but trust me this will help get to your destination. Humans are imperfect, so instead of striving for perfection, let’s strive for fulfillment, wholeness, growth, healing, understanding, compassion, awareness, and love.
Love and light
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Thanks for sharing…. Fall seven times, stand up eight✨✨