The thing about life is it pushes you until you break just to see if you can put yourself back together.
Life is a roller coaster of event that unveils simultaneously sometimes badges of activities within our control other times unpredictable activities. There are hard, good, bad, easy, rosy and blunt times all coating an intriguing adventure which must be adequately dwelt with in order to take the stride.
There are times when the anchor of survival is heavy and in the process of keeping your armor of living, you can hurt your loins; low times when you put a question to your worth, to your value, when the weight of pressure, responsibility can take a hold and turn the tables around causing you to lose yourself.
You start by cubbing your light, making a compromise on your value because of fear or reluctance. For example not pursuing the career you wanted to, not embarking on a certain journey, or taking certain opportunities.
I was caught in this hook four years ago, due to certain reasons, I couldn’t study the course of my dreams thereby causing a compromise on my career path and with that act, I was embraced by apathy towards life events.
I couldn’t passionately share in the field I found myself and it took a toll on me, on my worth, contribution and stance until I decided to take responsibility and come out of the shelter of fear and reluctance.
The first huge step I took in finding myself was starting a blog, building this space with every fiber of passion which has grown into a huge galaxy of success that I can now think of making this my full-time job.
I always loved to write, tune creativity into an inspirational cape but when I got admitted into college to study journalism and communication that took a big toll on me it wasn’t what I envisioned.
I could have declined the admission but the pressure got me accepting with heaps of uncertainties sinking down in my ears what if you apply and don’t get it again? What if it takes time to come? What if this year process is rigorous than last year?
And in the basin of all the pressure, I had to accept the course and walk in that path and that single act caused a hate-love compromise on my journey. I’ll explain; grab a brew, get comfortable and I’ll begin.
Our encounter with obstacles or the act of us losing ourselves is a major element of survival. The way I lost my way flipped the script of my identity, let me explain.
If I was admitted to my desired course, I would have been behind some court bar settling cases I wouldn’t have dreamt of pursuing such an intimate purpose in life today ”adding value to people’s lives and sharing bits of motivation”
I would have continually chased money and not learned about the powerful ability of networking and collaboration. All the situation that made me lost brought about a rebirth and reposition in my life hence the love-hate comprise.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying we should walk in the direction of losing ourselves but there are ways we can connect the dots of challenges into an identity base.
This brought me to the conclusion that there are ways we can compromise our identity and lose ourselves with intentions that is why we have to carefully guide the choices we make because each and every choice we make builds and yield into reality.
Realization can hit you hard; years after graduation with a firm question of who you are and what you have become. Let’s not dive too deep. We have to be more conscious of the decision we make, moments that can rob us of ourselves and layer our identity.
I will be sharing in details the steps, guides and things I did to find myself again in the midst of all the comprise to unveil the layers of my identity which you can as well apply in any area of life that you are feeling lost, unmotivated and stuck in a rut.
1. Changing Your Perspective And Habits
You can accept yourself and at the same time keep growing, you can acknowledge your pain and at the same time notice your joy, you can know others are doing their best and feel disappointed, you can embrace all parts of yourself and still have moments of self-doubt, you can do the hard work of personal growth and at the same time have days where it feels like too much; this is totally okay.
It all happens in your mind which unveils in your perception. When you change your perspective, you change your experience and life is all about perspective; how you look at something. Your perspective is everything, when you are experiencing certain challenges in life you may not always have control over a situation but you have a choice about how you view it.
Before I took a stance of responsibility I always evaluated the circumstance of not getting admitted to my lack of ability and this depreciated my worth, I felt insufficient, incompetent in spite of the effort I put in studying tediously and I felt redundant when I wasn’t qualified.
But after cultivating a sense of balance and perspective, I realized that the examination isn’t the definition of success, it doesn’t outline my all-time worth and value and exam would not define my worth!
I told myself and this shift in perspective brought a repositioning in my life. I groomed my self-confidence and started to stretch my hands around risks, challenges, and opportunities which in turn built me into a stronger and value inclined person.
Finding yourself in the heat, wave, tide, and turmoil of survival requires a subtle shift in your perspective; the opening of your mind, an intentional pause or reset to see new possibilities. Adopting positivity as a perspective, a habit that it becomes a discipline influencing the choices you make.
For example, when you wake up every day you have two choices you can either be positive or negative; an optimist or a pessimist. I choose to be an optimistic individual at all cost and this is a matter of perspective.
I outlined the season of every reason to positive shift; things don’t just happen but purposefully to groom me, reposition or bring about a change that I wasn’t observant to see.
Perspective gives us the ability to accurately contrast the large with the small and the important with the less important; without it, we are lost in a world where all ideas, news, and information look the same. We cannot differentiate, we cannot prioritize and we cannot make good choices- John Snunu.
To grow you have to start thinking differently, changing your perception on how you view things, keeping an open mind, visualize, take things slowly, watch what you surround yourself with, educate yourself to improve your perspective, eliminate habits that are not improving your life and create room for positive habits that can positively change your life; positive habits like waking up early, developing a productive night routine, organizing, etc.
2. Outline Your Worth, Value And Authenticity
Finding yourself is equivalent to honoring your worth and value. Sometimes, in the struggle of creating a balance between challenges and opportunities, we can tune down our worth and shift our value to entertain some people.
For example, when self-doubt comes to visit, ask yourself what may I be needing right now? What am I noticing? What might have brought on this feeling? Rather than making a home for such detrimental thoughts. Remind yourself just because I feel this way isn’t my truth.
Self-doubt visits each and every one of us; it could be as a bridge, being in a toxic relationship, the peak of risks and challenges but you do not entertain and give it room to yield rather, you curb such thoughts.
Authenticity is another way of finding yourself. Often times we curb the glitters oozing down our spine because we want to be accepted and fit into relationships, peer groups; you have to yearn your light at every given opportunity even while change, transformation, and personal growth is initiated. You have to accept yourself, build your inner system, learn to be yourself regardless of the situation.
The sad truth is that we live in a world where authenticity is rare; everyone is filtering themselves to fit in and this act kills and suffocate our identity because of the perfection peg hanged to the digital world, everyone wants to fit in. Being authentic means being yourself, taking responsibility, and trusting your intuition.
‘’To thine own self be true’’
This may be a hard principle but in every situation be yourself. Do not try to handle a situation the way this person says you should, follow your intuition and make that decision!
3. Ask Questions
Whenever you feel that you are sliding off, find adequate time to unplug, reflect, meditate and ask yourself questions. Sometimes what we bother ourselves with isn’t worth the struggle when properly analyzed.
Strip your thoughts and question your fears, uncertainties, impossibilities, obstacles, limitation, challenges, reason and seasons. Some major questions I always ask are:
Why are you here?
What is this phase for?
What is the reason for the season?
What is the pivot point of challenges that I overcame that shaped me into ‘my’ vibrant individual that I thought will drown my strength?
What direction do I have to shift into?
What opinion do I have to unpack?
What limiting beliefs do I have to eliminate?
What experience do I have to honor?
How can I appreciate my worth?
What emotion do I have to prioritize?
Another big question is WHO AM I? And what is my take on this? There is no doubt I always reposition and re-invent my strength each time I answer this.
For more rational and directive questions you can click here, I have outlined repositioning and self-discovery questions that will help draw you closer to yourself.
After asking questions, you can evaluate in the process of reflecting. I always stress on this; situations don’t just happen, they happen for a reason and in this process, we are to walk in the same light.
In the process of evaluating, you can care for yourself by:
- Validating your feelings and emotions
- Paying attention to your needs and honor them
- Giving yourself permission to be imperfect
- Offering yourself support and care during pain
- Noticing all you’re already doing so well at
- Having delight in small moments of joy with yourself
- Being tender with your own heart
- Allowing yourself to set and maintain boundaries
- Affirming your own existence as a human being
- Reminding yourself of your worth over and over again
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Remember that knowing yourself is the beginning of wisdom and the only important journey is the journey within, so from this moment apply certain tips to transform your authenticity level, habits, and perspective and watch your life take a positive turn as you draw closer to finding yourself.
Also, cultivate effective ways to show up for yourself:
- Commit to habits, practice, routines, and rituals that are good for your well-being even when you don’t want to.
- Practice listening to your needs and discovering different ways of meeting those needs.
- Practice self-forgiveness for not being perfect, for forgetting your past, for what you don’t know and for going ‘’off track’’ sometimes.
- Let yourself start again, over and over as often as needed.
- Take care of your basic needs: stay hydrated, get enough sleep, move your body and eat plentifully.
- Give yourself permission to rest, take breaks and have downtime.
- Spend quality time with yourself: reading, creating, exploring and getting to know who you are underneath who you think you should be.
- Use the lens of curiosity and compassion with yourself as often as possible.
- Remind yourself that you are worthy of being shown up for just like anyone else in this life
- Make yourself a priority in your life!
illustration by miraalou