How To Love Yourself Fiercely: 9 Best Ways To Love Yourself Again

You are a victim of the beliefs you live by.

Learning how to love yourself can be quite a challenge, especially in a dominating world of perfection; there is always the need to validate yourself from the opinions and directives of society.

There have been so many resources on how to love yourself, how to love yourself more, how to love yourself again, how to love yourself first and so on but the truth remains that the process is often difficult and challenging.

Falling in love with yourself is something we oftentimes struggle to do in a validating unbalanced world, where pillars of comparison, perfection, aesthetics have been employed as the definition of beauty.

It is no longer new that a lot of us struggle on how to be in love with ourselves, we constantly embrace tantrums of self-impersonation; feeling undeserving of what we have or what we’ve achieved, feeling out of place despite signs of success, guilt about being successful, worrying about things going too well, downplaying how successful we are, disbelieving about what we’ve achieved because we are raising a bar with the measurement of the other person.

For so long, I struggled to love myself; my truth has been outlined form a catalog of my fears and self-criticism. I am that girl whose rhythm is to the tunes of uncertainties, I take solace to the hurt tied to my past, I build a castle of self-validation each time my reflection was seen in reality. I am that girl who has shredded her light to the opacity of men, I am that girl who is relenting to offer her magic.

This used to be my situation, I suffered from self-doubt, self-criticism, for a very long time. I still do but I’m learning to appreciate my uniqueness more, and not seek validation from other people, not worry about what others think in general and feel about me.

This urge for validation ushers in buds of anxiety, from constantly worrying, the quest for perfection, racing thoughts, fear of the unknown, fear of social situations, the obsessiveness of the past, etc and these negative spike are hazards to our mental state.

Currently, in every phase and struggle I encounter, I am trying to foster a different kind of softness for myself, this softness looks like letting go of any company that attempts to contaminate peace in this vessel.

This softness fights for my freedom; it liberates my body from generations of pain. This softness paints itself in courage and forgiveness, decorating the walls of my home with love, this softness makes my flaws know the warmth of a kind of embrace. I’m fostering a different kind of softness for myself, a softness that echoes the perfection in my natural state.

The greatest struggle that we all encounter is the battle of accepting our unique linings, we are so hard on ourselves, we get paranoid with the tracks of our journey, overwhelmed with the pressure of time on self-discovery and purpose ranging like mountains placed on the top of our shoulders.

We fail to realize that everybody has flaws and they have to climb that insecurity bridge one way or the other and this is normal!

You fail to realize that ‘you’ as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection because the relationship with yourself set the tone for every other relationship you have.

And in the process, we have to stop holding onto the puzzle of our uniqueness by the pieces of comparison we get from expectations, pressure, and opinions and create our own reality. Currently like I said earlier, I have started accepting that; how I love myself is enough and I have learned to honor this journey of uncovering new and pleasurable ways to embody this love.

When you love yourself 100%, you are indirectly giving the opportunity to people to love you as well. If you don’t appreciate who you are, it becomes difficult for other people to do the same. You have to understand that our behavior towards ourselves is contagious.

You can only love another person to the degree that you love yourself and the other person can only love you to the degree that they love themselves, so if you journey through life with a base of insecurity and hate, that will greatly affect the quality of your relationship that you have with yourself and others. Loving yourself is a vital element of happiness and success.

Only from the position of loving yourself can you contribute your talents to the world. When you’re happy from the inside, you exude happiness and can better design your life.

We are a divine magnificent expression of life and we have to know it and when we do it’s like we are in tune with the entire universe and everything just flows in our lives.

You are only as weak as the label you choose to live under and you only as strong as the possibility you choose to live within.

So I want to share with you some of my ideas on how you can love yourself and get to the point of improving the quality of your life.

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1. Eliminate Limiting Beliefs

Certain beliefs we choose to adopt and hold on to are limitations in our lives, these beliefs are permission slips for us to feel a certain way. It could be beliefs drawn from our fears, pressure, past, pain challenges; we take those beliefs and build something out of them.

For so many of us that might have experienced a toxic relationship, we come out with the thought of unworthiness, depression, and dejection. The reactions we get from that relationship creates pieces of doubt of our true worth when how a person chooses to treat you doesn’t define your value but the stance and quality of the person.

‘‘I am enough, if you feel the need to continue searching between other women’s thighs, it is you who is lacking”

This sounds easy to analyze but is oftentimes a big pill to swallow, you have to learn to release the limitations, release the old belief systems you’ve internalized and exposed yourself to and from the opinions of other’s to truly love yourself.

It is so sad that we usher in negativity drawn in our fears, we are made to believe that we cannot achieve certain things just because challenges are lurking around. We are made to adopt these limitations and build a reality around the limiting fantasy. To eliminate limiting beliefs you have to simply;

Challenge the beliefs.
See things in a different point of view.
Ask yourself ‘’what if’’.
Say I could make it work.
Know why do you have the beliefs and make it flexible.
Let go.

You challenge these beliefs by expanding your perception and seeing things from a different perspective.

For example, you can accept yourself and at the same time keep growing, you can acknowledge pain and at the same time notice joy, you can embrace all parts of yourself and at the same time have moments of self-doubt, you can do the hard work of personal growth and at the same time have days where it feels like too much.

You are not measuring the negative thoughts alone but creating rooms for the positive in those believes.

You can make these thoughts flexible instead of using limiting phrases, adopt expansive phrase for example:

Instead of saying I don’t have a choice —-Say I honor what ‘’I can’’ choose

My needs don’t matter—-I can’t do much when my own needs aren’t met

Life is happening to me—I play an active role in the direction of my life

My thoughts control and manage me—I can choose which thoughts I listen to

Things will always be this way—-There is always room for change to happen

I can’t—-I could

This is just how I am—I can always change

What if I fall?—What if it flourishes

It won’t work—It might work

Easier said than done—it can be hard ‘’and’’ doable

I already know this—-There is always more to learn

I’m too old/ too young—Age doesn’t have to limit me

This always happens to me—I can empower myself

They made me feel this—I practice self-responsibility

I have no control—–I honor what I can control

2. Employ Positivity

No matter how much self-compassion, self-acceptance, and self-awareness we practice, we cannot outrun the pain, challenges, and difficulties.

No matter how many goals we achieve or accomplishments we meet or places we go, we cannot outrun the pain, challenges, and difficulties; it will always be in the movement of survival, defining stages and phases rather we can employ positivity, we can derive purpose from the stages we experience.

So by loving ourselves, no matter the situation or challenge we experience, we have to be able to outline the purpose of the pain, the challenge, the difficulty, the phase and the season.

You have to desist from negativity; limiting beliefs greatly influences the declarations you pronounce on yourself, rather than self- criticism and downplaying your worth, employ healthy self-talk because the negative things that you say to yourself impact your view of yourself so rather embrace positive talk such as;

Glow up affirmations

I am grateful for the mistakes I’ve made and the lessons they’ve taught me. My mind no longer limits itself to one way of thinking; I’ve opened up to new ideas, new energies, and new opportunities. I am laying down the foundation to a prosperous and magical future. What the universe has in store for me is beyond my wildest dreams. The miraculous blessings that are headed my way cannot be stopped.
I exist on a divine level, I no longer look outside myself for validation everything I need is within me.
I am a work of art, a portrait of my soul; I am divine light, written in the flesh.
I embody my true self with no reservations, no compromises, no downplaying my will power, value or worth.
I’m allowing myself permission to breathe, permission to expand. I’m allowing my truth to hold space and take up space. May this vessel radiate love, pursue happiness and peace even when I stumble.
I take responsibility for my actions/life.
The older I get, the more comfortable I am with not entertaining things that make me feel unworthy, uncertain and unclear.
I am intentionally choosing joy and deciding not to participate in unhealthy cycles.
I am releasing self-judgment, I am making space for self-acceptance.
I am releasing the fear of falling instead I am making space for exploration and trying my best.
I am releasing feelings of unworthiness, I am making space for self-validation and encouragement.
I am choosing to release anything that leaves me feeling drained. It is up to me to protect my space, peace of mind, and emotional clarity.
I deserve love and joy despite feeling unworthy at times.
I deserve joy despite the pain I’ve faced.
I am loved.
I am deserving of good things.
I forgive myself.
I am proud of myself.
I have permission to change my mind.
I am capable of change and healing.
I am going to be okay.
I am safe.
I give myself permission to be who I am.
I am strong and resilient.
I am thankful.
I acknowledge my pain.

3. Cut Down The Buds Of Comparison

May we disrupt existing visions of beauty and make space to celebrate a wider array of our uniqueness.

We live in an aesthetic built world where comparison is the order of the day; we compare our journey, the swiftness in our flight, the experience, exposure, we compare our light to others cutting short and disconnecting the opacity we all carry.

There are so many magazine companies, showing the type of models we ought to be like and if our look or features don’t fall in line, we have to take some pills, adopt some weight loss formula to look like exactly like them. And in the process, we are conditioning our thoughts to bring in pain, rejection, and dejection.

To truly love yourself, you have to stay close to your truth, remember your ‘why’ even when people refuse to see you or choose to reject you, trust that you are divine. Stand in the alignment with your light and ability to press forward.

Remember you are in control of how you show up in the world, I hope you choose to be big and not shrink for the comfort of others.

Give yourself permission to take up space and bloom wildly without regret.

You’ve been through a lot and you’re still here, your heart has been broken and you’re still whole, you’ve felt moments of defeat and you’re still rising, you’ve faced rejection head-on and you still matter, your worth has been questioned and you’re still valued. Adversity hasn’t stopped you. You’re learning and becoming daily and this is simply standing in your power….keep going!.

Be bold, you are powerful, you are a force, and you are made of resilience no one can take your story from you. Remember who you are, stand in your truth uniquely.

You are your own uniquely, you are enough, you are rooted in love, abundance, and resilience. Nothing can break you, you are whole even through the hurt.

You don’t have to do something new, radical or different to be important, meaningful, or impactful. You’re allowed to do that by just being ‘you’ whatever that might mean.

Don’t forget to breathe. Seriously, it’s so easy to forget because it’s so simple, but it is transformative and free. And you can do it anywhere.

Discovering, clarifying and living our truth is an inspirational practice that helps keep us focused diving in self-love.

4. Practice Self-love

Self-love is a deeply profound acceptance of our wholeness, it is the total acceptance that we are all equal. Self-love is the deep honoring of ourselves; it is the moment we can step back into our true selves and appreciate all that we truly are. You can only truly love yourself by practicing self-love.

Self-love wants us to see ourselves, it wants us to know the capacity of the love we can create, a love that’s everlasting and always evolving.

Self-love comes in several ways, it could start by identifying the signs of the imposter syndrome that we get affected by through challenges, pain, disappointment, etc.

Loving yourself looks like keeping your promises to yourself, speaking to yourself in an affirming way, forgiving yourself for making mistakes, not allowing people to walk all over you, taking care of your physical, emotional and mental health, not allowing someone to come into your life and disrupt the peace you’ve created.

Whatever you do on your journey, stay soft, stay kind, make room for yourself, stay whole, and stay gentle. Because the antics of the world will make you want to grow a shell around your heart. It will make you feel like all of you, as you are isn’t enough to be happy and live fully.

You do this by approaching curiosity instead of judgment, reminding yourself that you don’t have to be perfect, create a supportive mantra and read it daily even if it feels cheesy, tell yourself everyone started somewhere, there’s enough room for everyone and you deserve to take up space.

5. Forgive Yourself And Let Go Of Restful Or Negative Emotions

The first powerful way to love yourself is to forgive yourself, by cultivating a perspective that wherever you were in your life that was the decision you had to take to be where you are today, so every challenge or misleading step is a reason to be grateful.

If you do not allow yourself to feel that emotion, you won’t have the desire to move above it; you will not have the desire to move this consciousness into your awareness and then take action to move through it.

Sometimes, we have to be self-forgiving of our past, of the toxic relationships we embraced, guys we dated who never took their time to know us, it is sometimes hard to snap over the past but we have to come out in the light and let sunshine heal those past mistakes by seeing the growth and development that dark phase brought us.

6. Celebrate Your Accomplishment And Small Wins

Be proud of yourself for big and small achievements.

You are a warrior, claim it as you will, shape it until it shows your likeness to the world.

Redefine any label that tries to deny you. Reintroduce yourself; you now encompass the ability to take up space differently -radically and without permission.

7. Make Positive Change

Take failures as feedback, set intentions, be mindful.

Everything comes in waves, happiness, and sadness; at times it feels like everything is moving slow as if underwater but then (usually just as you think you’re about to drown) the ocean pulls back, everything is dry. You did not die and suddenly the world is full of love again and it’s hard to remember a time when it wasn’t.

Do not focus on the past, on your pain, on the challenges, on the rut; everything that surfaces is for a reason, even your pain after it is done teaching you it will leave for the next teacher and life course to take charge.

So always learn to make that positive turn when needed in any area of your life, this is the best altar of self-love you can create to elevate your self-improvement journey.

8. Cultivate Healthy Rituals

Loving yourself unconditionally is not something that happens overnight, loving yourself is an intentional connection to self that never has an end goal, other than learning more ways to show up for yourself.

It’s the little things you do that matter, a combination of a good diet, exercise, healthy habits, and discipline, that shapes you up for productivity, domination and growth.

Loving yourself isn’t an inner routine or action alone, it consists of taking out time to tame the inner light to glow out. By cultivating healthy rituals you show up for yourself by:

Committing to habits, practices, routines, and rituals that are good for your well-being-even when you don’t want to.
Allowing yourself to feel a multitude of feelings without labeling it as wrong, negative or bad.
Practice listening to your needs and discovering different ways of meeting those needs.
Practicing self-forgiveness; for not being perfect, for forgetting, for your past, for what you don’t know and for getting “off track” sometimes.
Letting yourself start again, over and over as often as needed.
Taking care of your basic needs; stay hydrated, get enough sleep, move your body and eat plentifully.
Permitting yourself to rest, to take breaks and to have downtime.
Spending quality time with yourself, reading, creating, exploring and getting to know who you are underneath who you think you should be.
Using a lens of curiosity and compassion with yourself as often as possible.
Reminding yourself that you are worthy of being shown up for as anyone else in this life. Make yourself a priority in your own life!

I have written extensive self-improvement articles and resources on how you could game your morning routines with success, how you can wake up at 5am, not feel tired and slay your goals, how you can live your best life, how you can develop positive mindset, how you be confident and take charge, routines that will give you a stress free life and habits to develop to push you up the ladder of success and growth.

9. Invest Into Yourself

The more you learn the more you earn.

You can have more than you get because you can become more than you are, the other side of the coin reads unless you change who you are, you will have what you get. Success, self-love, growth is something you attract. Instead of running towards it, you work on yourself.

You are your best investment, you choose the meaning of your life, you can change your life, you are the master of your change. You will not move until you get uncomfortable to have what you want. To adequately invest yourself do the following;

Prioritize continued learning over knowing it all already.
Use mistakes as an opportunity to grow instead of for self- criticism or point of shame.
Reward your efforts and the process more than the outcome.
Acknowledge new ways of thinking and being in the world.
Make room for something different to be possible.
Cultivate curiosity and beginner’s mind as often as possible.
Celebrate your growth and celebrate the growth of others.
Take stock of all the ways you’ve already grown and changed and what more you can do.
Embrace imperfection and honor all the ways you continue to try regardless.

Now To You Who Made It To The Very End

You are beautiful, lovable and should live your best life without restrictions. We are so used to discrediting our worth, depreciating our value, we are so used to our features that we often don’t appreciate and value how important they are. I want you to know that you are strong and you got this, offer your magic.

I want you to be in constant reminder of the magical goldmine living inside of you, you are above the validation or measurement of perfection, and how do you love yourself? By choosing to let the melody in your soul conquer the rhythm of normality.

On days when self-love is a fantasy, remember that every ounce, every cell, every breath in each and every phase is a definition of your beauty; it is a manifestation of your wonderland your vessel contains.

Do not allow the crave for perfection clothe you in an imposter suite; the universe is a dance floor that has been begging for your feet so dominate and take charge.

How do you love yourself in the exhausting phase life peels open? Remember that in darkness, stars dominate, they take positions and shine ridiculously; challenge, brace up and pull the good, and the level of growth from each situation.

How do you love yourself when mirrored with your flaws? Remember that when you slide down the blinds of imperfection you are filtering your value, your uniqueness, you are hiding away by your self-constructed limitations. Your flaws are your perfect blend of humanity so dominate the clouds by your shade.

Before you leave, I want you to tell me one thing you love about yourself and how well you appreciate and celebrate that in the comment section.

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Personal Development