How To Build Up Self-Confidence

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How to Build Up Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is the first requisite to greater undertakings. It is confidence in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures- Oprah Winfrey

The first question that throws a net of curiosity is what is self-confidence? How do you build self-confidence or self-esteem

Self-confidence and self-esteem are important factors that build the level of our success. As humans it strengthens the exploration we choose to take, it sharpens the quality we possess.

Confidence is an important key to growth; it is an inside job of decorating and edifying the template of your heart with strength, accepting imperfection and flaws that ushers in your uniqueness. It is knowing that you’re human flawed and awesome in your way as you dominate.

Self-Confidence is not something you can gain overnight from a handbook, self-help article or personal development; it took me years and I am still establishing a fur of confidence every day as I am mirrored with new challenges and opportunities. It is a phase that must be gained by scampering through the challenges, obstacles and bridges life adventures expose to us.

One thing you have to understand and accept is that everybody has their buzz cut of insecurity even Kim Kardashian, women that are idolized, public figures that have been arrayed in high esteem. So you feeling unconfident or having low self-esteem is totally okay, it can be fixed as you emerge as a warrior.

There is so much I have to peg out under the shelter of this discussion but I’ll try and make it brief; self-confidence is a vital factor and drive of success in our life. It defines the way we react and how we control certain things that happen in our lives.

I grew up in a less exposed environment, as I walked myself into the carpets of my teenage years I was knocked out with a lot of things threatening the level of my self-confidence and strength, But I am glad that over time I have been able to carve out and I am still carving positivity in my life influencing every area of my life.

How to Build Up Self-Confidence

Grafting confidence into the roots of your soul can be challenging especially in moments of obstacles where survival is carried like a weapon against yourself, where you go through several routes; of rejections, disappointments and pain and simply cannot help but question why that situation happened to us.

Situations altering the authenticity and strength, we have to stand bold and firm on the podium of opportunity. It is never easy to trust the process as you watch hope roll off the cliff of your control and as uncertainty and fear dominate.

But it is necessary that we do not remain submerged in the sea of such confusion and helplessness but in the process, create a pulley of strength to find yourself, brand your identity, your voice, and align with your sole purpose.

Discouragements, fear, doubt, lack of self-confidence are germs which have killed the prosperity and happiness of tens of the thousands of people affecting the level of their confidence.

Social pressure from our environment also weighs down the level of our self-confidence, paving way for low self-esteem from the way we’ve been treated.

Choices made, the risk taken and response to challenges carves the level of confidence as well.

How to Build Up Self-Confidence

The choices decisions we make can drastically affect the route paved to self-confidence or destruction. So the following tips can serve as the main ingredient in living your best life as you cultivate confidence:


1.  Cultivate Positivism

You have to speak it into existence, reconfigure and reshape your mindset.

If you constantly think negatively about yourself using self-criticizing words to shovel your self-down, employing negative terms, you will only attract negativity and be limited in your growth. You have to attract positivity from the words you pronounce to yourself and on your life.

Employing positive vibes, energy and thoughts can be hard but you have to find the strength to hold on and light even the tiniest fiber of flame through that dark time because what you feed your mental state is what it produces.

What you believe is highly likely to happen in the world around you. If you believe things are going to be bad, it’s likely they will be; change your beliefs, change your life. Believe and you receive as you work toward it. So believe negativity and you receive negativity, believe positivity and you receive positivity.

How to Build Up Self-Confidence

If you are constantly putting yourself down, criticizing yourself, you won’t grow or develop confidence. You are simply shutting out your light from dominating the earth!

You have to play the part of uplifting yourself from the words you choose to use and the thought you dwell on.

You can’t downplay yourself and expect the universe to do otherwise; you can’t always think negative of yourself and expect people to think highly of you.

You are your main priority and must employ that knowledge in everything you do and say.


Below are positive words that you can adopt:

‘’I exist on a divine level; I no longer look outside myself for validation. Everything I need is within me!’’

”My body always exists as enough in this skin and in every curve, behold the fullness of the shape my vessel holds”

”My body is not meant to serve an aesthetic for it to be valued and deem worthy”

”I am confident”

”My confidence is increasing, I am fearless today and always”

”I am liberated from all fears of failure”

”I am in charge of surviving and living as I stay persistent and push through setbacks”

How to Build Up Self-Confidence

I want you to write all the things that are magical, special and unique about you and say them aloud every day, visualize your growth thread and treat your body right as a sacred temple, a gold mine that can never run dry.

Write it, speak it, and scream it if you need to.

Do whatever it is you have to do to believe in your calling and purpose. Wait for it; it will surely come to pass.

Positivism yields self-love which builds self-confidence

Self-love is a deeply profound acceptance of our wholeness, self-love is the total acceptance that we all are equal, self-love is the moment we can step back into our true selves, self-love is when we allow the love within to become our source of power.

Self-love is a celebration, it is remembering the journey does not seek perfection, it is setting boundaries and holding ourselves accountable.

It is opening up to self-forgiveness, holding space for one’s healing and a daily transformation.


2.  Knowing Your Truth

How to Build Up Self-Confidence

If you live off a man’s compliments, you’ll die from his criticism.

Knowing your truth is the foundation of your strength, uniqueness, specialness, and magic and once you are grounded to the roots of this; you cannot be misguided or deceive, you cannot be pulled away no matter the wind or storm. We have to understand that we have been uniquely made; we have been endowed with abundance even with the presence of imperfection.

You are strong; you have to learn to accept who you are even as you walk your way up improvement and development.

You are a canvas of beauty, a piece of the universe to govern the earth, you have to fully embrace yourself as a person, a unique mark, imperfections, flaw, magic lining crafted in your soul.  You were born to be real not to be perfect!

Society expects a lot, it filters authenticity with the dominant replacement of aesthetics in the fashion world, media world trying to create an invalid image of what can never be achieved. Oftentimes, shelters of perfection are built that hinder your true self from dominating.

But the truth remains that we all come to the survival factor through different routes; our paths vary so is our outcome and experience. We should learn to measure our journey based on consistency not through the success of another person; so long as you are consistently crawling when you can’t walk, you’ll surely get there.

Society for so long has preached a sermon of satisfaction where a false image is crafted true, where you fail to understand that you are the only person on earth who can use your ability.

You have to come boldly to live in the light and let the magic residing in you emit differently. When this is achieved, your confidence can never be questioned by anyone or any situation.

How to Build Up Self-Confidence

You are worth more than the equation of perfection so do not try to validate your worth in the eyes of anyone!

To be authentic in a world that is constantly suppressing your magic is a huge accomplishment.

Do not be opposed or so concerned about the attention that is given to your online image and presence. 100% of social media is filtered through the thick line of presentation, do not judge yourself by the number of likes and engagement that your pictures or videos get.

You are worth more than the surface of what people see; do not let social media anxiety trample on your self-confidence and esteem. If you are on social media and you are not learning, laughing, not being inspired or networking then you are using it wrongly.


3.  Configure Your Mindset

Perfection is the enemy of progress.

How to Build Up Self-Confidence

Your mind is always spying on your thoughts. It learns as it listens when you teach your brain about limitations, you become limited. When you teach your brain to be unlimited, your life becomes unlimited.

In other to be confident or have a boost in your self-esteem, you have to let go of the buds or perfection and configure your mind on a realistic and benefiting role.

This entails taking charge of the thoughts you harbor because your beliefs are the roots of your success. What shows up on the surface is a reflection of what’s going on in the ground.

You can’t grow a rose from a cactus seed, if you want roses, plant rose bushes.

It is one thing to cultivate and develop a positive mind and it is a big task to maintain your mind. Things happen; we are breeched by challenges every day and so we tussled so much, hence our mind has to be grounded in positivity.

Your beliefs are the seeds of your success, there has to be a constant reminder of how important it is for our mind to be on a positive line. Your mind is like a parachute it only works with what you expose it to, so keenly watch the thoughts you choose to preserve and expose to your mind.


4.  Mindset

How to Build Up Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is the belief that you are valuable, unique, and authentic and do not need any other form of validation. Even through the gritty phase, you are in charge; inducing positivism into every area of survival as you navigate through each phase; be it transformational or struggling, knowing that pain becomes purpose.

Self-confidence is watering the seeds you have planted with mindfulness, positivity, consistency, trust, and belief.

I know first-hand that being confident in a world outlined with chaos can be one of the most difficult things especially with the unrealistic and perfect catalog of expectations we outlined to guide our success and journey.

Especially in a world where the aesthetic value is vehemently predominant from the idolized models on your Instagram feed, social media, etc it can put you down and raise prisons of insecurity. Nothing holds you back more than your insecurities as we are what we believe!

Do not limit yourself to a few things or build up coverage against your light. Things happen but they do not define your worth so do not let them forge in and corrupt your positive thoughts. Each failure is an opportunity to get better, to have a new outlook and a different approach.

If you are not making mistakes, you are not growing. Make mistakes and learn from it, never to repeat them. Always have this mindset of trying new ways to have your authenticity and fulfill your purpose.

Do not let negative thoughts configure and control your mind!


5.  Trust The Process Several Routes Unveil

Lacks of confidence, low self-esteem, self-imitations, are as a result of certain things that happen in our lives; most times predictable, unpredictable and unexpected. But with each experience the more difficult the road becomes, the more failure lurks around; you have to cultivate the habit of trusting the process, the seasons life ushers in.

Every season has its ups and downs and the best thing you can do is discover how to grow through it.

How to Build Up Self-Confidence

When you condition your mind to an anchor of growth, you improve and indeed grow suppressing obstacles, challenges, fear, limitations, self-doubt, playing it small, moving backward, rather making space for self-acceptance, honesty, celebration, self-validation and encouragement, more self-belief, showing up, forward progression and growth.

Challenges affect the sense of our thoughts; they influence our perspective, our beliefs, and ideas as we carve our worth. I personally after series of soiled relationships developed low self-esteem, validation and a whole bunch of shady things.

My anxiety to socialize grew bigger every day and took the greater part of me; I became extremely introverted and couldn’t keep mutual friends because the elasticity of trust from my end was slackened by the snap of my bitter experience.

I employed doubt to everyone, I socialized sometimes but the panic still creeps in but progress is moving and not remaining stagnant. I learned to trust the process and let things unveil while I acted.

I didn’t let situations control me but I learned to take charge and control the situation; so stop beating yourself up, you are a work in progress which means you get there a little at a time not all at once.


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How to Build Up Self-Confidence


Be confident, too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something we aren’t. Everybody has their strength and weakness and it is only when you accept everything you are and aren’t that you will truly succeed.




illustration by ellehell, sidraws_

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Author: Afam Uche

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  • I hardly leave reviews on anything and I must say that this is one of the most inspiring posts I have read in a while. Not only was your message beautifully articulated, but it resonated with me on a deep level. Thank you for shining your light and being authentic!

  • ‘If you live off a man’s compliments, you’ll die from his criticism.’ I love this haha!! The crux of this quote is essential to understand for those of you who feel like you always need to have someone there (and it doesn’t just need to be a guy). Everyone is on their own path and they are focussed on their own journey not yours. Understanding this will help you find independence and the confidence to do things yourself for yourself.