5 Hacks For How To Control Your Emotions

“Learn to be truly at peace and in touch with yourself, and allow nothing anyone says or does bother you, or negativity and drama touch you.”

Hey guys! First off, happy new year in advance. I’m excited and I hope that next year, we will all grow and wrap ourselves with the foil of positivity!

We’ve talked about a lot this year and I’m glad we’re going into another one soon, guess who’s eager to explore newer depths with inspiring content? AfamUche!

The year has been a journey. A journey that led to new explorations and experiential realities. We’ve had several soul talks, discussion and interactions bordering on self-care and personal development all on the blog, on this edifying space! And I am grateful for every one of your presence.

Standing at the edge of 2018 I found myself entangled with an uneasy dash of fear, the future is a scary place I know, especially when you have only half a map, the uncertainty of a new phase and a chapter coming to an end put me on a confusing and depressing phase.

My mind constantly wondered about how I was going to navigate amidst the chaos and challenges that barricaded my aspirations, dreams, and growth at that time.

I was so transparent and had no control or boundaries over my emotions that anyone and anything could pull me down and take control of my emotional balance. I didn’t realize that our emotions are the pivot messengers of our thoughts, opinions, and moods.

Not knowing how to control your emotions has to be one of the most dangerous things that can happen to anyone. Do you know what it feels like to be at peace with yourself? To be in total control of your existence and life? To not be able to discern between good days and bad days because you’re emotionally impenetrable?

Well, I know what it is like and through this article, I’ll be sharing five hacks on how you too can be emotionally liberated and live in peace with yourself.

Your emotions are an integral part of your reality. You don’t let just anyone have access to them. Sadly, this is the opposite of the reality that many persons have. Many do not have full control of their lives and instead of living consciously, it’s like they are acting out a script.

Being emotionally impenetrable means that you are fully in charge of the way you feel and not living your life at the mercy of other people or things around you.

Now, to explain this better, I’d like to share two similar scenarios:

Imagine you go to a bookstore to get a book and the vendor decides to give you a huge discount because you have a great personality and he admires that. After the bookstore experience, you go to your workplace expecting to be paid your usual salary because its payday but your boss double the salary, commending you for your diligence thus far. You’re happy and for the entire day, you are in a jovial mood.

Now, let’s see another scenario:

Let’s imagine another day. You go to the same bookstore and but the vendor tells you that your hair is ugly and then you go to your workplace and your boss won’t stop screaming at you for the little mistake you made the day before. Now, you’re sad and your day is ruined.

Two random scenarios in a bookstore but there’s a problem with both and it’s the fact that you allowed your life to be controlled by external events. I have been pushed to the wall by life experiences. I have certainly been faced with problems that almost made me lose myself, but then, I have realized that to enjoy living, one has to exercise grand control over his or her emotions.

Life should be viewed through the lens of peace. You need to see your life and emotions as your car. You’re the driver and wherever you wish to go, you go. You should be in full control.

Truth is, nothing can piss you off or make you happy without your consent. Your mood was at the mercy of your external/environmental events, your day being ruined was almost inevitable.

Your life will only be meaningful to the degree of responsibility that you accord to your emotions. If you do not have control over your emotions, you’re setting yourself up for a big mess. It’s pathetic to expend this one shot at living on things that do not give your life a reason or rhythm.

Humans are judgemental and imperfect, and tuning your emotional notes to the sounds of their opinions is like living the life of an emotional wild fly, swinging from one emotional state to another without purpose. It’s not healthy to let people determine who you are and what you feel.

Recently, I have realized that you have the power to determine if you had a bad day or a good day. It’s all in the mind.

Once you realize that you no longer want to live a life dictated by random events, you’ll be able to build inner strength. So, straight up, we’ll be looking into 5 hacks for how to control your mind and become emotionally impenetrable.

Grab a cup of tea, relax and let’s get down to business…

1. Control Your Bubble

Dealing with your emotions is hinged on the level of control you can exert on what you allow into your circle of emotions.

If you have a closer look at life, you’d realize that your natural energy can be likened to bubbles. You are the only one that allows anything into your bubbles. You’re the filter: a sort of gatekeeping function.

Daily, we are faced with hundreds of events that we may give the nomenclature “battles”. If honesty is going to be upheld, it is safe to say that these battles are inevitable. They are necessary ingredients life must throw at us to spice up daily existence. I talk about this on my Instagram frequently and I regularly share snippets on how I deal with the challenges and emotions I faced from the experience of survival.

I know that feeling that makes you believe you have nothing else to do than to get angry at that bookstore vendor for being rude to you or your boss for being unfair, but trust me, you always do. You’d always have the option of not getting angry but because of your emotional lack of control, you’d ignore it.

We tend to take things to the extreme by naturally interpreting events around us in the negative. That’s bookstore vendor might just be distracted, did you consider that possibility? Your boss might just have received an annoying phone call before seeing you, how about you give him that benefit of the doubt?

It’s simple! All you need to do to avoid the reaction is to take that neutral event and assign a different meaning to it.

There are amazing guidelines on how to do that easily but I’ll recommend Byron Katie’s The Work. According to Bryon Katie, there are four basic questions that can help you change your mental narrative about situations:

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know it’s true?
How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?

With proper attention given to those questions, you’re almost sure that you’ll see that neutral situation from another light and probably imbibe the culture of seeing things from a newer angle.

2. Don’t Fight What Is

In life, you win some, you lose some. Some things are existential constant. There’s no need to fight them. This is a truth you must realize in dealing with your emotions.

A lot of the internal battles we fight are as a result of the fact that we have refused to accept reality and resolved to fighting a battle we can’t win. Some things have already happened, you just have to come to terms with the fact that they have already happened. Nothing more, nothing less.

Such include setting unrealistic thoughts like;

I will succeed every time I try.
Everyone will like me.
People will always agree with me.
Self-growth is easy.
If I please people they won’t reject me.
People should know what I need without me telling them.
I won’t make mistakes.
If I ignore my past, it will be like it never happened.
The ‘’right’’ relationship won’t entail hard work.
I can change my partner.
I don’t need to rest.
I should take care of everyone else before taking care of myself.

There’s no amount of worry or bothering that would rewind time. It’s a progressive phenomenon that can’t be brought back. You can weep and worry about the past but in reality, you are only wasting your energy and you don’t deserve that.

Not to talk about the fact that your worry will only instigate a continuous replay of the events in your head making them seem even more real. However, when things don’t go the way we want them to, we vent, yell and scream. We want to let everyone know how unhappy we are even though it’s obvious that absolutely nothing can be done to remedy the situation.

Look at it this way, would there ever be any kind of anger that’ll change Mondays from being the first working days of the week? Mondays don’t require your permission to exist. They just happen and there’s nothing you can do about that. So, let’s get it straight.

There’s no amount of anger or venting that you can do to change the way things are. Now, does this mean you should be dormant? Absolutely no! Sometimes, you could get an apology or ask someone to fix the situation. The problem is that our need to always look for justice usually clouds the flow of things and you realize that you’re getting emotionally penetrable.

3. Realize That There’s No Need For External Validation

You’re enough! You’re dealing with YOUR emotions. They are yours and should be solely dealt with by you and you alone.

You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone You are enough.
You are deserving of good things.
People’s opinions of you don’t define who you are (Put this on repeat).

Truly, there’s no need for external validation because you have all your need in you. When you seek validation, what you do is, you heighten the problems you already have that is because at the end of the day you would always come back to that ping-pong, wild beast feeling.

When you seek external validation from people, it is just an indication that you need the approval of people to feel better and by extension, you are giving away your power to people. When the source of the validation disappears, so do our feel-good feelings. The best way to fight the need to seek external validation is by developing a sense of self-love.

When you are fully confident in yourself you would not need the validation of other people to feel good. Your self-esteem will be able to stand without compliment, awards, commendations or even material goods. You’ll be independent- real emotionally impenetrable stuff!

Accepting who you are might be difficult but it is one of the most essential mental ingredients needed for enjoying life, rather than enduring it. If you can’t accept yourself the way you are, you’ll constantly seek validation and even if that makes you feel good, it’s nothing compared to building a good sense of self-worth.

4. Accept What Is Out of Control

Say this aloud: I’m never going to allow other people’s mess to be my mess.

Say that as many times as possible. You know why? No matter how beautiful, glowing and glorious you are, not everyone would see the light in you. It is not up to you to decide what people make if you lifestyle which why you can’t sleep everyone and that’s okay.

The only thing that is within your power and you can control is the way you view yourself, the world and how you act. When someone treats you like you are not important, it is necessary to put them in their place and express your discomfort and if after telling them, they are not willing to change you can decide to change the parameters of your friendship.

One thing is certain: you can’t force people to see you the way you see yourself and that is why you do not need to sweat it or stress yourself. Just live, breathe, and enjoy your life.

At every point of your life, people will always hurt you, disappoint you and make you feel less of yourself. It is only important that you realize that, that is who they think you are and not who you are. Instead of letting it get to you, pull back and concentrate on the stuff you can control: your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Extra spice of positivity

Let this serve as a guide and essentials for tough days:

Do not punish yourself, give yourself ample kindness. Remember that all things change so make sure that you get good rest. Do things that will calm your mind, accomplish smaller goals that day. Real acceptance can remove blocks, this is the time to practice patience. Growth can come with tough moments, a bad moment does not equal a bad life.

5. Let It Go!

There’s no amount of worry that you’ll have that’ll be enough to turn back the hands of time. Sometimes, you just have to let go.

The goal is for you to be emotionally impenetrable and you have to realize that that does not happen overnight. You’ll still be forced to swallow the pills of anger and manage the pain of rage. So, when you are pushed to react, take a deep breath and realize that you do not necessarily have to react to everything.

It’s normal to acknowledge the fact that you’re angry or something but do not lash back as that would only escalate the issue. After you have acknowledged and felt your feelings, then you need to realize that it is time to let go. It’s a slow process but it is very possible.

I remember about three years ago when my partner who I treasured betrayed me. It was a really painful experience. I trusted him with all of me and so when the coins where flipped I was heartbroken. But then again, after a while, I figured I needed to let go and I did. It was not easy but I did and trust me, I’ve become emotionally impenetrable ever since. You can do it too.

I strongly believe that with these 5 hacks, you would be able to go through the whole of 2020 easily. I hope you’re ready? In a few weeks, we’ll be done with 2019. Another decade would be unveiled. I do wish you a Happy New Year and of course, feel free to drop your comments and reactions in the comment section.

Thank you so much for your support thus far! See you in the next post!

For You:

There you have it fam! You can become really emotionally impenetrable with these steps. As we are getting ready to transition into a new year, you should constantly try to work on your personal development and growth. Life is a potpourri of many things and until you realize the fact that you need to stop letting things get to you, you won’t be able to go through it easily.

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