The Importance Of Self-Love In Relationships

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how to love yourself in a relationship

The best work you can do for your relationship is the work you do for yourself- Lisa Olivera

For many, relationships are scary. Many persons dread going into one mainly because of the belief that they will get too emotionally attached and that would mean sacrificing a lot on the altar of their independence.

There have been so many self-love articles written as directives on how to love yourself in a relationship, working on self-love, the importance of developing a healthy relationship with yourself and how to love yourself first in a relationship.

The importance of self-love in relationships cannot be overstressed and this is based on the fact that there is a huge need for individuals in a relationship to know that loving themselves while being in a relationship is as important as loving their partners.

Many relationship coaches and writers have given tips on how to have a better relationship with your partner but only a few have really looked into the importance of self-love in relationships.

Topics about loving oneself, putting self-love before relationships and being clear on how one wants to be treated in a relationship are usually ignored and this leads many to ask if self-love is real and possible in a relationship.


What Really Is Self-Love?

working on self love

Self-love is your ability to recognize and prioritize your happiness and well-being in everything you do. In many relationships today, the inability of the partners to know how to work on self-love has led to really painful break-ups.

Knowing how to love yourself first in a relationship is highly needed for the sustainability of that relationship. In relationships, there’s bound to be problems and most times, petty squabbles are inevitable.

However, there is a huge need to know when to draw the line, especially when you are with a disrespectful partner and this is where the knowledge about the importance of self-love in relationships is required and applicable. Below are some inspiring self-esteem and self-love quotes.


Self-Love Is The Best Quotes

self love is the best quotes

1.  Self-love is a deeply profound acceptance of our wholeness; it is the deep honoring of the divine in ourselves. Self-love is the moment we are able to step back in our true selves, it is when we allow the love within to become our source of power, it is a celebration of the light and magic we all carry inside of us.

Self-love is remembering that the journey does not seek perfection; self-love is setting boundaries and holding ourselves accountable. Self-love is the daily transformation and the moment of growth.

2.  Stay close to your truth + remember your why, even when people refuse to see you or choose to reject you, trust that you are divine. Stand in the alignment with your light and ability to press forward.

3.  Before you settle remember your worth, before you stay longer than you should look at what you can gain by walking away, before you decide you’re not deserving of more remember that you are.

4.  Every ounce of me, every cell, every breath in each and every phase. Take a glance at my beauty; this vessel is a wonderland.

5.  Even now I have to start accepting that how I love myself is in fact enough. And honor this journey of uncovering new and pleasurable ways to embody this love.

6.  Your body was not meant to serve an aesthetic for it to be valued or deemed worthy.

7.  I am fire and water, rage and destruction, compassion and empathy. I am worth my own exploration and yearning.

8.  May we disrupt existing visions of beauty and make space to celebrate a wider array of bodies.

9.  Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

10.  A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

11.  Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.

12.  You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

13.  Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

14.  Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.

15.  Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.”– Parker Palmer

16.  To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.

17.  Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”– Brené Brown

18.  Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.

19.  You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.

20.  Stop underestimating yourself!

how to love yourself in a relationship


Every human has a flaw and that includes being ignorant of certain things. No matter how much your partner loves you, they cannot love you enough! This is a fact and the earlier you realize it, the better. So, what can replace the gap that’s being created by their inadequacies? Self-love

When you love yourself enough, you automatically take care of the areas that your partner should take care of. This is not, however, a way to justify grossly irresponsible partners. If you are not being treated the way you deserve even after communication, by all means, leave.

As you would later read in subsequent paragraphs, the importance self-love in a relationship can be viewed from different angles; the most important thing, however, is for you to have a proper understanding of the meaning of self-love.

Are you going through a terrible break-up pain and you feel it’s taking too long? As shocking as this might sound, one possible cause for the inability of the pain to leave, is that fact that you do not love yourself enough. I have seen people who move from terrible heartbreaks so quickly, you begin to wonder if they ever loved their partner.

Most times, the question is not whether they loved their partners or not, rather we should be asking if they allowed their partners to take so much of their lives, they lose their self-worth. Knowing your self-worth plays a major role in moving on from a terrible heartbreak experience. This would be explained better in subsequent paragraphs.

The misconception about self-love is that it is an easy way of being selfish. Many believe that loving yourself first in a relationship is pretty much giving more attention to yourself while ignoring the attention and needs of your partner – a selfish move.

Truth is, loving yourself is actually realizing that there is a huge need to value yourself in your relationship. Knowing your worth keeps you in the consciousness that you are as important to your partner as they are to you and that means, you deserve to be treated as the best and nothing less!

In cases where you have an abusive or manipulative partner, speaking up for yourself or walking away is not a sign of weakness but a proof of the reality that you love yourself. In the latter part of this article, you will see how the knowledge and actual practice of self-love can lead to having the best relationship!


1.  You Are Respected And Treated The Way You Treat Yourself!

 how to love yourself in a relationship

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.

This is, in fact, a basic principle. In loving yourself; you respect yourself, your ideas, wants, flaws and person, enough to not want anything lesser. If you do not treat yourself as important as you expect to be treated, you will not get the respect you deserve! Loving yourself and actually showing it, sends a signal across to your partner and makes them realize that you have standards.

When the reality of your standards hit them, they would never want to treat you lesser. Truth is, this does not always come easily. Your partner might be confused at first but when they see the unflinching love and respect with which you treat yourself, you should expect nothing less from them.

If for instance, on your birthday you actually get yourself a present, your partner would definitely be pushed to get you a present too, seeing that you are already appreciative of yourself! If you do not love and respect yourself, there is a high chance that you will not be respected at all.

So, if you are having a feeling that you are not getting enough respect and love in your relationship, this might be the cause. To better the situation, you might need to speak up and actually show that you love yourself.

No responsible partner would want to disrespect you when they realize that you already love yourself. Self-love is that important gift you need to give yourself because it is from your inner self to your outer self.

Loving yourself looks like:

  • Keeping your promises to yourself.
  • Speaking to yourself in an affirming way.
  • Forgiving yourself for making mistakes.
  • Not allowing people to walk all over you.
  • Taking care of your physical, emotional and mental health.
  • Not allowing someone to come into your life and disrupt the peace you’ve created.


2.  Helps You To Know When To Walk Away

 how to love yourself in a relationship

Walking away is not exactly always nice, but it is inevitable in some cases. When you have a partner who constantly abuses, disrespects and manipulates you even after proper communication is done, you need to move out! Emotionally abusive partners, especially, have a way of trapping you in the relationship.

They make you see the option of leaving them as impossible. They play with your head and enslave you because of the feelings you have for them. The only way to freedom in such cases is self-love! Self-love is realizing that you will be hurt when you leave them but actually being courageous enough to place yourself ahead, and leave.

Most times, walking away can be tough and hard but it becomes easy when you know your worth and realizes that there is someone out there who would love you and treat you better than your expectations.

When your partner forces you to start to do things you would never want to do, and you try to communicate your reservations to them but they are not listening, self-love is realizing that they are not healthy for you and taking the necessary step of walking away!

I have seen cases of people who got extremely obsessed with their abusive partners and found it hard to leave but when they eventually left, they never regretted making that decision. Being obsessed with the wrong person can be overwhelming but the importance of self-love in relationships cannot be over-emphasized.


3.  Helps You To Have A Life Of Your Own

 how to love yourself in a relationship

To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.

Self-love helps you to realize the need for being independent and have a life of your own. Many people see this as being narcissistic but it actually is not. In your relationship, there is a need for personal space but you cannot even create personal space for yourself or inversely, give your partner a personal space when you are overly dependent.

Self-love awakens the consciousness that your life is not meant to be solely hinged on that of your partner. Inasmuch as you both are in the relationship, the truth is, you are two different people. You both have two different lives. Although with time, your lifestyles begin to match, at the end of the day, you are still two different people.

Being in a relationship does not mean that your life and its activities should be solely dictated by your partner. Remember, there’s a place for personal space and you cannot hinge your life on that of your partner.

Self-love is your ability to live a life of independence. It is the possibility of creating a lifestyle tailored towards accommodating your flaws and being comfortable with them regardless of what anyone thinks. You cannot over-love yourself. In fact, every day is a new day to show yourself that you love yourself.

Being in a relationship does not mean that you cannot take yourself out and give yourself a treat. As a matter of fact, if you do not love yourself, you will most definitely find it hard to give love to your partner.

The popular saying that you cannot give what you do not have is most applicable here. If you do not value yourself and respect yourself, you will see nothing wrong in your partner not loving you.

Many persons are underappreciated and they do not realize it because they do not even appreciate themselves enough. A person who appreciates himself/herself enough will definitely have no patience for a trashy behavior.


4.  Helps You To Become A Better Partner

how to love yourself first in a relationship

This might seem pretty confusing but truthfully, having self-love can make you become a better partner. Loving yourself has a way of reflecting in the way you love your partner.

Being a better partner can actually be an easy thing. Have you ever seen someone who’s extremely obsessed with their partner? They keep professing their love and even go to the point of wishing that they would be with them all over again.

This is usually because the partners have mastered the art of loving themselves hence, they see no problem with loving other people. You can end a beautiful relationship just because you do not have a good relationship with yourself. If you cannot make yourself happy despite your flaws and mistakes, it tells on you and indirectly on your relationship.

What this does is, it pressurizes your partner to want to constantly make you happy and this is unfair and would inevitably end up damaging the relationship.

There is also another angle of having the illusion of being the perfect partner. There is no such thing as a perfect partner. We all have flaws and can only hope to be with someone who values us despite our flaws. Just be yourself. Be real and genuine about who you are.

Make efforts to change the bad sides of you, if you can. And if you can’t, carry on with them and just be positive. If your partner cannot deal with you being you, then they can walk away. The good thing about this is, you will be sure that whoever you are with is loving you for you and not a fake version of you.


5.  Helps You Heal Quickly

When you have self-love, you find it easy to move on from a break-up. Breakups can be terrible, your heart could get crushed and grave adverse effects could be started.

The best way to actually move on from the hurt is to realize that you are you and your partner does not in any way “complete” you. It sounds really cute when someone says they “complete” you but that is a lie.

You are already complete, even with your flaws. However, you will not realize your completeness if you accommodate hatred or insecurity about yourself.

If your whole life is fueled by the existence of your partner, which is usually because of the illusion that they “complete” you, you are definitely doing yourself more harm than good. The possibility of experiencing rapid healing even after a major break up is one key importance of self-love in relationships.

To sum it all up? The importance of self-love in relationships is a topic that should be discussed in every major relationship blog or forum.

how to love yourself first in a relationship

It is important to learn to love yourself the same way you would love your partner. If anything, the relationship you have with yourself is the only relationship you are sure to have for the rest of your life, why not treasure it? I do hope that by now, you must have realized the importance of self-love in relationships.


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Author: Afam Uche

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