Emotional lows are normal. We all have moments of fear, sadness, and doubts when we’re insecure about many things.
But when these moments extend and interfere with our daily life and productivity, it’s high time we learn how to deal with insecurities — before they deal with us.
What Is Insecurity?
When people ask me, “what is insecurity?” It’s mainly because they can’t differentiate being insecure from worrying about things.
Insecurity is a lack of confidence in oneself and anxiety about the future. People get insecure for different reasons, but if you’re intentional enough, you can defeat insecurities.
This article details all you need to know about how to deal with insecurities. It’ll guide you and give you answers to your questions. Let’s go!
What Causes Insecurity?
Insecurity doesn’t just happen. Most times, it’s a result of past failures and present mistakes. What causes insecurity?
Insecurity stems from a fear that you’ll never be enough or amount to nothing in your life or career. It could result from traumatic events you’ve experienced, bad relationships, or PTSD from abuse.
It could also come from comparing yourself with others and people who keep rubbing your past mistakes in your face. The significant causes of insecurity are fear and anxiety.
Other factors merge to foster these feelings in the mind. Those external factors are more like triggers that help keep insecurities afloat.
1. Lack Of Familial Love
People who are openly loved and supported by their families tend to be confident goal-getters.
On the other hand, those whose parents, siblings, or relatives are not there for them tend to look down on themselves and become timid and insecure. This lack of love may also be a form of abuse from their family.
2. Perfectionism
When I discovered how to deal with insecurities, I realized that many people set unrealistic goals for themselves. They make up unrealistic expectations, and when they can’t fulfill them, they start to wonder if they cause their problem.
Well, it’s essential to know that perfection is unattainable, and we shouldn’t be fixated on that. Instead, do your best in every situation and watch the rest unfold.
3. Rejection
The fear of being rejected is usually a nagging worry at the back of our minds now and then. You may have been overlooked at work for a position you think you deserve, but that doesn’t make you a lesser person.
Rejection makes us feel unwanted, but our ability to recognize our worth would push us to do better things for ourselves instead of wallowing in pain, despair, and insecurity.
4. Social Anxiety
People who experience social anxiety feel inferior, self-conscious, and anxious around others, so they avoid all semblance of gatherings. This hinders them from expressing themselves or discovering their potential.
At the heart of social anxiety is a strong belief that you’re useless and not enough, that you have nothing worthwhile to say or contribute, and that everyone will judge and mock you. But that’s not how it is.
Focus on your strengths and wins, no matter how little, surround yourself with people who motivate you to be better, and be intentional about self-improvement. You are enough!
How Does An Insecure Person Act?
Insecure people are not hard to spot. So how does an insecure person act? They exhibit specific characteristics and actions that make them “obvious.”
Insecure people display poor decision-making skills, low self-esteem, perfectionism, signs of being antisocial, poor communication abilities, prioritizing other people and neglecting themselves, anxiety, and stress.
Is Insecurity A Mental Illness?
Insecurity comes with a lot of uncertainty, fear, and anxiety. But does that mean insecurity is a mental illness?
Insecurity has links to a wide range of mental illnesses and personality disorders such as narcissism, depression, and schizophrenia.
Hence, insecurity may be a symptom of some significant mental health issues. For example, a depressed person would always feel like they can never be good enough and that life isn’t worth living.
These thoughts stem from deep-seated feelings of self-doubt and insecurity.
Three Types Of Insecurities
Insecurities do have a way of affecting the significant parts of our lives — the personal, professional, and relationship aspects. While there are many other types of insecurities, these are the ones that embody the lot.
1. Personal Insecurity
Personal insecurity is a lack of confidence in your physical appearance and behavior. Let’s paint a scenario: You just had your hair done and, on your way home, you notice people looking at you.
Insecurity about how you look will make you feel like cutting your hair off because you feel like people are laughing at you when they think the hair suits you and admire it!
People who experience personal insecurity often think a part of their body is ugly and wonder what people think of them. The constant worries and doubts can make them develop eating disorders to look fatter or slimmer.
2. Professional Insecurity
Professional insecurity manifests at workplaces and sometimes at school. It can make people shy away from leadership positions or expressing themselves and contributing valuable ideas to their workplace.
This sort of insecurity can ruin their chances of getting a promotion or the recognition they deserve. Also, insecurity can culminate into Impostor Syndrome, making them feel like they shouldn’t be there because they’re not good enough anyway.
3. Relationship Insecurity
People who experience relationship insecurity feel like they’re not good enough for their partners. On the other hand, they feel privileged to be a part of their life.
They always want to avoid arguments and the “tough talks” because they believe their partner is just managing to put up with them, and they can be dumped anytime.
Some people even alter their entire lifestyle because they think their partner would like it. They don’t mind doing anything, even if it’s detrimental to their well-being, as long as it makes their partner happy.
Insecurity can also lead to jealousy, possessiveness, and obsession because some insecure people believe that they have to fight for their partner at all costs so that they won’t abandon them or go after someone else.
Such insecurities are usually caused by past bad relationships with friends, ex-lovers, horrible bosses, or even parents who were not there for them or always made them feel inadequate.
What Are The Consequences Of Insecurities?
Now that we have identified the types and causes of insecurities, understanding their effects is essential so we can know how to deal with them effectively. Here are some of the impacts of insecurities:
1. Physical And Mental Health
Insecurity harms the body through stress levels and neglect. However, it also gives room for mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
2. Low Self-esteem
Insecurity makes our self-worth brittle and beats us down. An insecure person feels unworthy to be loved or successful.
They also feel like everyone is better than them, affecting their relationships with others. It can make them timid and withdrawn from their friends or coworkers.
Also, the anxiety that results from constant worry about the future can distract them from school or work, resulting in poor grades and productivity.
3. Self-love Goes Out The Window
Self-love is an awareness of personal values plus intentionality about making the right decisions to become a better person. When insecurity sets in, self-love goes out the window.
People gradually start losing interest in their hopes, dreams, relationships, and life. They might even neglect their physical well-being, lock themselves in their homes, wallow in self-pity, or indulge in self-harm.
4. Irrational Anger
Insecurity can also make people harbor irrational anger and resentment towards everyone around them. It destroys their relationships with jealousy and paranoia.
More often than not, insecure people end up lonely because they deliberately push everyone away.
9 Effective Ways To Deal With Insecurities
So many people have come up with theories on how to deal with insecurities, but here is the practical truth. Insecurities would hit us a lot of times in our lives.
It’s how we handle it that would make all the difference. So here’s how to deal with insecurities effectively.
1. Reaffirm Your Worth
The problem is that you’re focusing too much on what you’re not doing right. Don’t do that. Pay more attention to the things that you’re doing well. Revisit the philosophies that guard your life and reaffirm your values to yourself.
Think about your achievements and revel in the sense of accomplishment. Also, think about the beautiful people in your life and the effort you’ve put into becoming the kind of person you are.
Reaffirm your worth by acknowledging all these things and focusing your mind on them. You are worthy of love, success, and happiness. You are loved and appreciated.
2. Acknowledge Your Needs
When you’re insecure, you might find yourself in a position where you always want to please everyone to receive some validation and praise. As a result, you abandon your needs, even when it’s bad for you.
Acknowledge what you need first. Is it attention, someone to talk to, or rest? You know yourself better than anyone else, so be honest and pinpoint precisely what you need. You can reach out to a therapist or counselor for help if it’s complicated.
3. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Try not to make a habit of beating yourself up when you do something wrong. For instance, don’t criticize yourself further if you make a mistake at work and your boss calls you out on it.
You are not your mistakes! Unfortunately, unpleasant things happen, and we sometimes can’t control them. Try to forgive yourself and consider that you did something and can now see areas where you need to improve.
What if you didn’t do it at all? You may have known that you needed to improve in certain areas. Consider what you learned from it and move on.
Also, you can pen down the negative thoughts that come to mind, then look through them at the end of the day. Don’t be surprised that most of the things you worried about are insignificant, and you were beating yourself up for irrelevant issues.
More importantly, take positive self-affirmation personally. When a negative thought flits into your mind, replace it with a positive one. Challenge negative things by replacing them with positivity.
4. Surround Yourself With Successful People
This may seem like shooting yourself in the foot, considering how comparison is one of the causes of insecurity. Still, it’s a smart way to go!
Successful people are usually enthusiastic and smart and have a positive but realistic outlook on life. Their positivity can rub off on you.
Successful people also see every failure as an opportunity for tremendous success. This mindset is very healthy as they have accepted failure as a better part of life.
When you’re around them, your accomplishments will begin to mean more and more to you, no matter how little.
5. Spend Time With Your Loved Ones
Spending adequate time with people who see your worth, love you, and are supportive is a big booster for your self-confidence. It would make you love yourself better and accept yourself for who you are.
When those important to you make you feel good about yourself, you’ll find it easier to eliminate limiting beliefs and acknowledge yourself for the living, breathing mass of awesomeness you are!
6. Prepare Your Mind For Challenges
When learning how to deal with insecurities, obstacles are inescapable. You might meet a childhood bully or an ex who abused you again.
You might find it hard to stop thinking about the most embarrassing moment of your life where you got body-shamed. But, you have to prepare your mind not to dwell on them.
The road back to self-confidence is narrow and windy, but be ready. Understand that good things sometimes take time, and challenges are only avenues for growth, and it’ll be easier to deal with them. In the end, it’ll all be worth it.
7. Try New Things
Try your hand at new things that interest you. Start that newsletter, enroll in that dance class, and join the book club you’ve always wanted to be a part of. Do something different, but make sure it’s something you enjoy.
Mastering something new makes you feel good about yourself, gives you a sense of accomplishment, and helps you take your mind off negative things.
8. Let Go Of Things That Make You Feel Insecure
When a woman is pregnant, the baby feeds from the umbilical cord, which attaches mother and child. But what happens after the baby is born? First, the umbilical cord is snipped off, and the child is separated from its mother.
The essence of this analogy is this; some people have come into your life and were good for you. You shared a lot and grew together, but now, they’re no longer healthy for you.
Instead, they make you feel small and inferior, trivialize your wins, and give you bad vibes. Recognize these people, and don’t be afraid to cut them off.
Cutting them off doesn’t necessarily mean severing ties with them. Just keep your distance bit by bit. However long you’ve come doesn’t matter.
Even if you’ve been friends for 50 years, they shouldn’t be around you if they’re bad for you. In essence, how to deal with insecurities effectively is to shed dead weight and snip lousy energy from your life. You deserve better.
Take pride in your accomplishments, no matter how big or small. Did you complete your project two hours before the appointed time? That’s awesome! Celebrate yourself with a cool drink from the cafeteria.
Did you finally get that equation right? Show it to your teacher and get a warm smile and maybe even a “well done!” Did you buy a house? Beautiful! Pop champagne with your friends.
Your accomplishments, no matter how small, should bring you pride. You should be happy that you could achieve them and add them to your collection of wins. So don’t look down on your achievements. They’re all important.
9. Open Up To People You Trust
Your question may be, “how do people deal with insecurities?” People! There’s something therapeutic about baring your mind to people you trust.
When you unburn your mind and tell them all your fears, doubts, and worries, you’ll feel better! Even better, they’d help you find ways to deal with your problems and encourage, support, and motivate you.
How To Stop Being Insecure About Your Looks
Society has set many beauty standards and biases, which have affected many people. For example, pointed noses are usually associated with beauty.
As a result, some people who feel insecure about their bodies might decide to go under the knife surgery just to fit into societal beauty standards. You don’t have to tow that path! Here are some solutions to insecurity about your looks:
1. Accept yourself just as you are: Understand that every part of you is beautiful, and you get to decide what beauty is.
2. Have realistic goals: If you decide to work on your body and improve your physical appearance, be realistic with your actions and expectations. For instance, for males, here’s how to deal with insecurities as a man.
If you want to tone your muscles and develop abs, don’t expect them in just two months. Instead, put in the work consistently, and you’ll see results.
3. Do away with things or people that make you look down on your body: Here’s how to deal with insecurities — filter your space. You are beautiful just the way you are, and no one should make you feel otherwise.
Also, if you decide to work on your overall physical appearance, be consistent and determined to get your desired outcome. It might be tasking, but it’ll be worth it.
4. Make healthy choices for your body: Exercise well, eat healthily, get adequate rest, do fun things, and get sunlight daily.
10 Tips To Overcome Insecurities
Many things we do affect our moments of self-reflection and could make us insecure. These ten tips to overcome insecurities will help steer you in the right direction.
1. Be Mindful
Being mindful is a pointer to how to deal with insecurities. Mindfulness lets you know your thoughts, feelings, and environment.
So take mindfulness exercises and blend into nature. First, focus on breathing, and then focus on turning your attention to everything around you one by one.
2. Learn To Trust
Insecure people do not trust themselves. They always believe that they will mess up, so sometimes, they project this fear on other people in their lives.
It begins to look like those people are the true imposters, not knowing that the projected fear is what is manifesting. Take some time to reflect if your inability to trust comes from a lack of trust in yourself.
If you recognize this, you can separate the two and learn to trust again. Still, you’ll have to trust yourself first. If you don’t trust yourself, depending on other people would be as hard as moving a mountain with your bare hands.
3. Stop The Comparison
We are all unique beings, and we must find time to work our beauty out of us and make it shine. If you have something they won’t ever have, be okay with it.
How to deal with insecurities is finding your voice, style, and preferences. You don’t have to copy what everybody is doing, and you don’t have to compare yourself to anyone. You’re beautiful just the way you are.
4. Spot And Change Negative Core Values
How to deal with insecurities as a man or a woman is to spot negative core values from bitter life experiences. Then, when you closely examine the negative beliefs, see if you can extract positive ones from them.
Then, ensure to kill these negativities and replace them with positive things.
5. Celebrate Your Strengths
Keep a journal to track personal growth, strengths, and daily activities. Ask those close to you to write down your best attributes, uniqueness, and good overall.
Keep these lists and ensure to reference them throughout your day. This would help you continuously acknowledge your strengths and focus on them instead of your weaknesses.
6. Practice Self-Care
Brush, bathe, look good, and smell nice. Exercise, eat well, dress comfortably, and get adequate rest daily. Give yourself the best treatment, and remember that you also need to be pampered.
If you’re going to learn how to deal with insecurities, you must prioritize self-care.
7. Be Grateful For The Little Things
Show gratitude for the food on your table, those who love you, the sunrise, the sunset, and all you can be thankful for.
Always remember that you’re lucky because no matter how difficult your life may seem, there are others whose lives are far worse. So say “thank you.” Gratitude for the littlest things is how to deal with insecurities effectively.
8. Forgive Yourself And Others
Learn to let things go. Past grievances, pains, and something you’ve refused to forgive yourself for.
This may appear hard to do, but when you come to terms with the fact that you’re only human and mistakes are inevitable, you’ll be taking one big step towards becoming a better person.
9. Make And Pursue SMART Goals
Making and chasing SMART goals is how to deal with insecurities and the feeling of stagnation or fear about the future.
Your goals must be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Results-focused, and Time-bound. This way, your goals would be crystal clear and easy to achieve.
10. Reach Out To Loved Ones
Reach out to friends and have significant and insightful conversations with those close to your heart. Let them know how you feel and be honest.
Make it plain that they are essential to you and you want to be important to them too. Then, they’d be able to help and support you in their little ways. Reaching out and building friendships again would help your emotional health.
Final words
When dealing with insecurities — give it your all. Insecurities are deep-seated problems that, if left too long, can cause many problems like estrangement from loved ones and severe mental health issues.
This is why you should put in your all when trying to get rid of it. Then, you’ll surely be able to overcome it! For more tips on how to stop being insecure, click here to read the article.
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