If you’ve ever done something stupid and risky before because you were angry, you probably realize the importance of learning how to control anger.
Getting angry is a widespread human experience everyone has experienced before.
Sometimes anger might help us accomplish complex tasks, give us confidence, and even speak up to that troublesome bully.
But, as they say, “all things in moderation.” Too much anger can lead to terrible consequences you did not intend. I’m sure you have heard a few cases of people who got angry over an argument and mistakenly killed someone.
They ended up ruining their own lives and the lives of the victims, causing sorrow and pain to their loved ones. Unfortunately, all of that and many other unpleasant scenarios are possible outcomes of the anger we all experience.
We are sometimes old to calm down when we are angry and while it seems easy, it is not. Hence, learning how to control anger is a crucial and necessary task.
In this article, I have compiled a simple list of 20 excellent tips on how to control anger and prevent yourself from making decisions that you might regret later.
1. Do A Countdown
Next time you are angry, try to countdown before reacting, saying, or doing anything. You can count from 100 to 1 or even less.
Performing a quick countdown is an excellent way of learning how to control anger immediately.
If performed correctly, a countdown should help you relax and give you time to assess the situation. Of course, you can’t be angry forever after all, so after counting, it’s possible that your anger would be gone with the wind. Or at least some of it.
2. Take Breaths When Necessary
Try taking slow and measured breaths from your nose and then exhaling gently from your mouth. When we are angry, our breaths speed up, and our heart rate quickens.
So, consciously reversing this effect could go a long way in helping you learn how to control anger outbursts during a conversation or a confrontation.
3. Take A Walk Around
When you’re angry, you have tons of energy just waiting to erupt and unleash carnage on whoever or whatever caused this anger.
Rather than give in to such instincts, you could wear yourself out by performing some exercise or preferably taking a walk.
So, an essential method in learning how to control anger is to take a walk around your neighborhood. It would help you clear your head and take your mind off the vexing being.
4. Listen To Cool Music
Grab your headphone, play some calming tunes, or any music that makes you happy.
Music usually helps take your mind off many things and spirits you to a realm of your own or a different emotion.
If you want to learn how to control frustration or a painful feeling, you should give music a try! So, when next you find yourself on the verge of anger, plug in your earphones and watch your anger dissolve away.
5. Relax Your Muscles
Slowly relax all tense muscles in your body, one at a time. Then, focus on actually easing the tension in your muscles.
Putting your body in a more relaxed state could give you something else to think about and focus on.
This helps in taking your mind off that thing or person that vexes you. You can also combine this with method two above.
6. Recite A Mantra
Find a word or two that enables you to relax. Make it your keyword anytime you’re in stressful environments that annoy you. Then, recite it repeatedly till you are calm and collected.
It could be a phrase like “Take it easy,” Relax,” This person/thing is not worth it.” Or you could even be like the monks and recite “Amithaba”.
7. Create A Way For You To Escape Mentally
Learning to escape mentally is an essential trick to note in learning how to control anger. Go somewhere quiet, take a deep breath, and visualize yourself in a calm and serene environment.
Your power of imagination would be significant here. Then try to pay extra attention to the domain you have imagined if you’ve imagined a beach.
For example, you could visualize how deep the sea is, how wet the sand is, or even how calm the waves are. Essentially you’re trying to take your mind off the object of your anger.
8. Stop Talking
Yes. Stop talking. When angry, it’s easy for one to say things one would regret for a long time. Sometimes, even things we didn’t mean.
And it’s usually challenging to mend the effects of this. Especially if it’s a relationship you value very much, stay calm and avoid saying anything.
If you even start speaking, chances are you would worsen the situation and say things that are hard to take back.
9. Stretch
When I say stretch, I don’t mean you should spread a mat and strike challenging poses for 2 hours while wearing yoga pants. I mean things like rolling your neck or your shoulders.
These are not-so-difficult stretches you can easily do to help you keep calm and take control of your raging emotions.
10. Take A Break
Give yourself a timeout. Take some time away from people. Just take some time to think about the situation quietly.
Taking a timeout will help you analyze the situation logically and without emotion.
Develop strategies to deal with the situation without incurring losses or doing something stupid.
11. Channel Your Anger, Energy, Emotion
Another way to learn how to control anger is to channel all pent-up anger, emotions, energy into an activity. You can find something light and fluffy to punch or kick continuously.
Try to visualize all your rage as a wave and that it flows out of your hand into whatever inclined surface you’re hitting. Then, with every punch, your anger washes away. Until all that’s left is a body too tired to be vexed.
Just ensure you are not breaking things, hitting anybody, or hitting something that could cause you damages financially and bodily. It could be something like a punching bag or a pillow.
12. Apologize
Now I know you might think that this particular tip sounds risky and a little stupid, but trust me, being apologetic can be very helpful when appropriately implemented.
A wise man once said that an apology could melt wrath like cold water on a burning wood log. Yes! Try apologizing for a change, especially when the cause of the problem is from you.
Even if you aren’t a fault, you would be shocked how effective a simple ” I’m sorry” could end an angry outburst.
13. Journal – Write Stuff
Get a journal or have one near you at all times if you’re always prone to anger. Writing down how you’re feeling or what happened would force you to slow down and think about the situation better.
Journaling your thoughts will, in turn, help you to calm down and reason things out like the rational human being I assume you are(or aren’t you?).
14. Rehearse Your Response
Here’s a great way to learn how to control anger as a teenager. However, because of how easy it is for young people to lose their cool and respond instantly, it would be wiser if you took a different approach.
Before giving in to your raging instincts, think about what you’re going to say or do. Don’t just think about it; weigh the benefits and costs of whatever you’re about to do.
If the costs outweigh the benefit or if you believe that whatever you do could have severe consequences, you should take a step back and think of a more rational course of action.
15. Picture A Stop Sign In Front Of You
Before taking any action that could potentially worsen the already stressful situation, visualize a stop sign materializing itself in front of you.
Using your imagination in that manner would remind you to stop whatever action you were about to take.
16. Talk To Someone
Try talking to someone—a friend preferably, or anyone who is supportive and is a good listener.
Narrate the entire sequence of events to them. They might also help you to process it and provide a new perspective.
Let’s face it; sometimes, the situation might be of your own doing. So, talking to someone else might be a way to help you realize your faults. After all, a fit of anger shared is a fit of rage solved.
17. Change Your Routine
A fundamental method to control anger is to change your routine first. If a situation or process you have to take annoys you every time you do so, then it’s time you changed it.
Consider another option that’s less annoying or upsetting. Even if it was a person who constantly annoyed you, it’s high time you started avoiding that person.
18. Laugh Or Smile
At times, a smile or a laugh is all it takes to diffuse the situation and calm the waters. So when you’re in an annoying position, smile. Smile and laugh your troubles away.
Wash your anger away by doing something that makes you happy and fills you with laughter. It could even be something like seeing memes, and it doesn’t have to be extra-ordinary.
Do it in moderation and don’t get carried away by it.
19. Be Empathetic
When you’re only considering things from your perspective, it’s easy to misread the situation and increase your anger. So next time, try to walk in the other person’s shoes, think about the situation from their perspective.
Being empathetic will set you straight, and perhaps you will realize that you were making a mountain out of morsel.
20. Forgive In Advance
To err is human, but to forgive? To forgive is divine. Forgive them for their wrongdoings before they even apologize.
Trust me; it’s for your good. Not theirs.
Forgiveness will help you take things off your chest and remove every form of ill-feeling that might be increasing your anger. Try being like Jesus for a change. Don’t hold grudges; forgive.
How To Control Anger In A Relationship
As I said earlier, anger is a very usual and human response. It’s one of the emotions that come relatively quickly to us.
But unfortunately, giving in to it is usually not a healthy response to situations and could lead to adverse effects.
Even more unfortunate is that sometimes, the cause or recipient of our anger could be our loved ones like our romantic partners.
Hence, learning how to control anger and manage responses to angry partners is a valuable skill everyone should understand.
It promotes and enables better intimacy and communication between partners. And as you know, those are the basic foundations on which a relationship lies.
So, here I list a couple of ways that would enable you to learn how to control anger.
1. Focus On Yourself
No, I’m not asking you to neglect your partner’s wants and needs. When you’re in the presence of an angry partner, the instinct is to try to appease the raging partner and calm them down.
But, there’s only so much control one has over the emotions of others. So, resist this urge. Instead, focus on your feelings. Work on them. When you do this, you set an example and give the other person the space to calm down.
The goal is, of course, to share your grievances with your partner. And doing that while shouting and angry does not do much but escalate the situation. Calm down, buddy. Don’t try to calm others down.
2. Do Not Cut Them Off
If you’re the person whose first response to a stressful situation with your significant other is to cut them off and give the silent treatment, you definitely should stop it.
While this instinct is understandable and can help you calm yourself down, it does nothing to resolve the matter at hand.
On the contrary, it might help you calm down but might further annoy your partner or add to their anxiety.
So, instead of slamming the door on their faces or just zooming off in the car to god-knows-where, try to make them understand that you need some time to calm yourself down and think things through.
The key is to let them know that you are committed to working things out without your emotions rolling about like the waves.
3. Avoid Triangling
It’s also perfectly understandable to want to vent to someone about the troubles of your relationship.
But, it’s essential to avoid this as much as possible. It might only worsen the situation.
It might make your significant other feel alienated or left out, worsening the situation. When we vent, most times, we tell what happened from our perspective, and in our views, everyone but us is the villain.
So, you would most likely just be looking for someone to agree with you that your partner is the villain and you’re the saint. Hence, before you pick up that phone, take a chill pill and try to talk to your partner.
4. Look Past The Issues On Ground
Most times, it’s not that you and your partner have different opinions about something that leads to conflict and anger. Sometimes, it’s just our immature reactions to these differences that set the angry emotion.
Therefore, focus on responding to the conflict as maturely as possible. Think of what the best and the most rational version of yourself would do at that point, then set about doing it.
Never let your emotions control you. Control them! Look past the issues and remember you love your partner and that the problem is small compared to your love for each other.
Take note, though. It does not in any way encourage you to look past issues that could endanger your life or the life of your partner.
Essentially, remember that you’re about half of the relationship. So if you’re calm and collected, that means your relationship is also half quiet and collected. After all, one raging partner is better than two raging, screaming partners.
Anger Management Exercises To Help Control Your Anger
Adopting anger management exercises can help you conquer this flaw if you can quickly get angry.
Anger management exercises are exercises that anyone can use to quench an already rising anger, prevent anger from surfacing, and even help you tame a fit of exaggerated outrage.
Here are a few beneficial anger management exercises to note in learning how to control anger.
1. Visualization
Try to visualize or represent your anger as a tangible thing you can touch. For example, imagine your anger as a terrible storm ripping through buildings and houses. Your anger is the storm in this case.
By indulging in this harmless destruction, you release all the pent-up anger and frustration while also taking your mind off the anger-inducing situation or person. While doing this, though, do not visualize yourself harming people or animals.
2. Full-body Rage Release
To do this, lie flat on your back. Then proceed to bang your arms, kick your legs, crazily hit your fists on the mat or mattress you’re lying on.
Think of a child throwing a temper tantrum here. You want to let all that anger through your whole body. Ensure that you are lying on a soft mat or mattress while attempting not to hurt yourself. You’re only angry, not suicidal.
3. Vocal Anger Release
Since you’re angry, you probably already have the urge to scream. So, here’s me telling you that screaming can help release you from the burden of anger.
The only difference here is that you won’t be screaming at anyone. Sorry. You can go into your car or any quiet place and scream your anger into the wind.
If you’re at home, try doing it into a pillow. You can still probably accompany this with the full-body rage release I mentioned earlier.
Another vocal anger release apart from screaming is growling. Growling is a very primal and ancient sound that packs a lot of ferocity, energy, and power.
It could help you channel all that unnecessary anger and energy. It also activates the valgus nerve, which has a somewhat calming effect and enables you to calm down.
With consistency, you could better know how to control anger under more complex and complicated scenarios.
Ensure you’re in a place where your noise won’t disturb other people, though, because I’d bet that getting reported for public disturbance would only further increase your anger.
4. Humor
Using humor can be tricky, but it can be an excellent way to diffuse an already problematic situation when used wisely. Find something hilarious about the situation and communicate it positively.
If you get it right, not only can you get out of your anger, you can also help the other person rise above their anger by making them laugh.
When I say humor, I do not mean you should be sarcastic or anything of that sort. Being sarcastic could lengthen the argument and hurt the other person’s feelings.
5. Problem-Solving
Most anger causes are over a situation or a problem whose solution has eluded you for some time.
That’s perfectly understandable. At some point in our lives, we’ve all encountered these situations.
When this happens, our minds get clouded by anger, and all it sees is anger. So when you find yourself in such a situation, take your mind away from how annoying it is. Rather throw yourself into solving it.
Anytime you find your mind getting frustrated and slipping, stop in your tracks, take a deep breath, and then get back into solving the problem. The satisfaction that would come from solving it, at last, is almost as heavenly as a bonus.
6. Exercise
Anger comes with a lot of energy. Energy to do irreparable damage to things, hearts, or even people. So a great strategy is to refocus this energy into something taxing that can productively make use of this energy.
And what better way to do that than exercising? You would also be killing two birds with one stone. Letting go of anger and keeping fit at the same time.
Of course, you don’t have to go to the gym before you can exercise. You could just do something as simple as taking a walk or going on a run in your neighborhood.
7. Send Love And Justice Or Love And Light
Instead of letting your anger get the best of you and make you do nasty things, transform such feelings of anger into thoughts of love and light or views of love and justice.
If someone gets you angry, send them ideas of love and justice, wishing them the best, so they don’t go around making others mad in the future.
Practicing the art of sending positive words will relieve you of every rage that burdens your heart and help you know how to control anger better.
It’s also a thousand times better than acting on your fantasies and going from being a thought criminal to an actual criminal.
8. Deep Breathing
Take slow and deep, measured breaths when you are angry. Deep slow breaths will calm your already racing breaths and heart and help you calm down.
If you find it hard to do this and further frustrate yourself, you can combine it with the visualization technique I mentioned above.
In this case, try to visualize your anger as a mass of energy. As you breathe in, you’re breathing into the abundance of energy, enlarging it till it spreads out of your body into the wide world and melts away.
And that’s it. Your anger disappears like the wind. Only to return when next something or someone annoys you.
This technique works a lot, and any list on how to control anger would be incomplete without this method.
How To Control Anger At Work
This section definitely couldn’t be left out. We all have had or still have bosses, co-workers that are/were a significant pain in the asses—constantly doing things that vexed you.
If you find yourself in such a workplace and desperately need a way to manage your anger at them and stop yourself from doing something that may get you fired, today is your lucky day.
If you are looking for tips on anger management for adults that can help you master how to control anger, you might find the following few points interesting.
1. Leave The Building
Distance yourself from the place. Take that time to cool off. You could take a brisk walk in the building or even around its environs. Just leave the area and ensure you’re calm before returning to that environment.
2. Write It Down
Okay, I will indulge you here a bit. Write or type that e-mail you’ve always wanted to send to that boss. Write all your grievances with them, including all the insults. But don’t send it. Don’t even try it.
Just write them down. Writing will help you unleash and calm your nerves while preventing you from getting sacked or suspended. So, type it out.
Then re-read it again after you must have calmed down, then delete it for good.
3. Talk To Someone You Can Trust
If you’ve been at the workplace for a long time, you have a close buddy that you can trust and probably shares your troubles. So, talk to that person.
They would help to calm you down and give you a new perspective of things. Ensure that this person is trustworthy, understands the company dynamics, and is capable of empathy. You can even have a little camaraderie moment and cuss at the boss together.
For You
The thing is this, learning how to control anger can be very challenging. But, if you practice all of these steps listed above, you will be well on your way to having absolute control over your anger.
For more light on this, you can check out the article on how to calm down when angry here.
Progress might be slow, but appreciate the little progress you’re making and encourage yourself by rewarding yourself. Give yourself some self-love to acknowledge how far you’ve come.
Save this for later!
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