There will be moments when you feel like you are not worth anything good because of failure or discouragement. In times like that, you need to know how to be kinder to yourself.
“Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. You have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” -Lucille Ball.
When I first learned about self-kindness in 2016, my mum challenged me to consider, “Think about how you speak to yourself. If you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself, would you have any?” I knew immediately that my answer was, A big no!
I would never speak to my friends the way I talked to myself. I often said things to myself like, “You’re such a fool! Why would you make such a decision?” or, “Why can you never do something perfectly?”
I realized I was more forgiving and kind when I spoke to people I cared about. I even offer encouragement, compassion, and kindness to them. However, I would be harsh and often unforgiving when it came to myself.
If this is something you can relate to and would like to change, you’re at the right place! You can start learning how to be kind to yourself right here.
But first, what exactly is self-kindness? What does it mean to be kind to oneself, or when one says, “Be kind to yourself”?
What Does It Mean To Be Kind To Yourself?
Self-Kindness is honoring and accepting your humanness, being empathic with yourself, and understanding and accepting your weaknesses when faced with personal failings.
It involves treating yourself with kindness, support, care, and mentorship like you would treat someone you respect and value. It is difficult to practice, particularly if you’ve spent your entire life being critical of yourself for even the smallest mistakes.
However, I can state from firsthand experience that self-kindness is a game-changer. My life became much more joyful and meaningful once I started treating myself the way I treat my friends and the people around me.
I take the time I need to heal my pain and sadness when I’m stressed or going through a difficult time rather than forcing myself to act fine. You should remind yourself that you’re human and bound to make mistakes instead of constantly criticizing yourself.
We frequently discuss kindness as a value and trait we search for in our friends, coworkers, and relationships, but you hardly ever discuss being kind to yourself.
Perhaps you find the word “self” repulsive because it implies selfishness or self-centeredness. But the reality is that self-kindness is a crucial aspect of mental health. You can’t pour from an empty cup. So take care of yourself first!
Benefits Of Learning How To Be Kinder To Yourself
Self-kindness has various positive effects on your health. For instance, acts of kindness for others cause your brain’s pleasure and reward center to light up (also known as the “helper’s high” in medical terms).
Also, the brain releases serotonin, the feel-good hormone that calms the body and promotes positive emotions.
Here are some other benefits of learning how to be kind to yourself:
1. It improves resilience – your capacity to recover from setbacks.
2. It strengthens your sense of self – your identity.
3. It increases your self-esteem.
4. It boosts your confidence.
5. It helps with your sense of optimism.
You must learn how to be kinder to yourself if you want to recognize yourself as a friend.
15 Pointers On How To Be Kinder To Yourself
You’re in the right place if you don’t know how to do this, and these are some of the practices you can incorporate into your everyday life to help you to be kinder to yourself.
1. Make A “YOU” Time
Making time for yourself sends an excellent message to your inner self through your actions. The message sent by this action is that you matter to yourself, are worth it, and are a priority.
By choosing a time for yourself, you give yourself the freedom to explore new interests, fall in love with a hobby, and discover the things that genuinely make you feel alive.
So make time each day for yourself to indulge in your favorite things to do. You can rewatch a series you enjoyed, go to the gym, read a book, draw, write, play an instrument, or engage in any other activity you enjoy.
Give yourself some “me time” daily to show compassion. Making time for yourself also enhances your relationships with others. When your body and brain are constantly working, it is simple to feel overburdened by life.
Your mood subsequently fluctuates more quickly as a result of this. You are prone to frustration and have limited control over your responses.
Regular, uninterrupted “me” time helps your busy brains to unplug and unwind because it allows them to relax.
By doing this, you reduce stress, enhance your ability to be patient, improve your ability to control your moods, and improve your sleep.
All these advantages fill you up internally, and when you are satisfied, you can give your all to the most important things, such as your work, and relationships. This is the first step in learning how to be kinder to yourself.
2. Spend Time With Nature
One way to be kinder to yourself is to spend time with nature. Taking the time to go outside can help reduce some of the daily stress in a world full of worries and distractions.
Interacting with nature grounds you and reminds you that there is something bigger than you, making you appreciate life and living even more.
It gives you that feeling of wholeness and completeness. Even if it’s for a short while each day, being outside has a calming effect on our minds.
Also, being surrounded by natural elements can be beneficial to your health. Think about how you can set aside time to go outdoors and immerse yourself in nature.
This could include going to the beach at night or weekend when you do not have much work to do, taking a walk, and going to a park.
3. Elevate Yourself
Elevating your life is all about being deliberate in your daily actions. It’s about discovering your truth and taking the necessary steps to become the person you want to be and know you’re capable of becoming.
You don’t have to know everything; you need to take one step at a time. You have to keep evolving in life if you want to be a better person for yourself.
You have two options when you make a mistake or behave improperly: you can either bring yourself up or bring yourself down.
The first option is what those who are kind to themselves choose. Also, reminding yourself of your prior accomplishments will help you feel more motivated.
Next, create a strategy for handling what occurred, then implement it for a better future.
4. Deliberately Forgive Yourself
“When you make a mistake, respond to yourself in a loving way rather than a self-shaming way.” – Ellie Holcomb.
There is nothing wrong with making mistakes, you are human, and humans make mistakes. Stop feeling like an inadequate or useless person simply because you make mistakes now and then.
Forgiving yourself is a form of self-kindness. You can grow and learn from your mistakes, but you should know that you won’t develop self-discipline if you don’t hold yourself accountable for your mistakes.
You create and internalize a lot of doubts about forgiving yourself because you worry that if you don’t, you’ll become ineffective or lazy.
The truth is that this demeaning attitude undermines your attempts to live a fruitful, significant, and happy life. No one on earth is not fallible.
It’s possible that you did something in the past that you regret. Perhaps you let someone bully you because you didn’t stand up for yourself.
You might have lost a wonderful opportunity because you were afraid. Maybe you dropped the ball on a crucial objective.
If you’re upset with yourself, you should learn how to be kinder to yourself, stop blaming yourself, commit to change, and ask for forgiveness.
If you need pointers on how to forgive yourself, you can read an article about it here.
5. Learn To Say No
Always wanting to please others is the root cause of the inability to say no. You find it difficult to say no because you worry about what will happen if you don’t.
Perhaps the other person will become annoyed, despise you, or even leave you. We all need to use our limited energy, time, and resources wisely.
Over time, you will burn out if you constantly give to others without receiving anything in return. Saying no allows you to decide where to focus your time and effort.
It enables you to concentrate on giving it to those who truly deserve it in your personal and professional lives. You don’t have to agree to spare another person’s feelings at your own expense.
You are under no obligation to say yes out of obligation, pressure, or feeling guilt-tripped. Furthermore, saying no can be incredibly effective; it is an act of self-kindness by prioritizing your needs and well-being.
You will never be able to know how to be kinder to yourself if you are continually bending to meet the needs of others.
6. Work On Your Self-Respect
Respecting yourself means valuing yourself for who you are and refusing to let other people decide your worth. It is the understanding and appreciation of your underlying character traits.
Most importantly, it involves making life choices and decisions from that authentic aspect of your personality. As a result, you will feel more fulfilled and self-assured as you act in ways consistent with your beliefs and values.
This will consequently enhance your well-being. Self-respect also involves having faith in yourself, exercising independent judgment, formulating your opinions, and coming to conclusions in any area of your life.
Finally, maintaining your word to yourself and doing what you say you’re going to do are both essential components of having self-respect; that way, you know how to be kinder to yourself. Put yourself first and treat yourself with kindness.
7. Remind Yourself Of Your Positive Attributes
Do you have trouble concentrating on your positive attributes? You are not alone if you do. Like many people, you might be reluctant to consider or express the positive aspects of who you are.
You instead concentrate on your shortcomings, errors, or anything else about yourself that you think needs to be improved.
You don’t fully enjoy your relationships because you feel bad about yourself. While acknowledging and learning from your flaws or mistakes have their place, so does appreciating the positive parts of who you are.
Remember to focus on your positive attributes frequently when you become conscious of your weaknesses. For example, you can tell yourself, “I’m good at that,” or “I’m a good friend.”
Find daily ways to demonstrate your values and admirable qualities. You can live up to the excellent version of yourself that you possess by doing this.
For example, you might be bigger than the ideal body type you desire, but your hair is long, and you have good skin. You might not be very good at sports, but you might be a math wizard.
Remind yourself frequently of your strengths. When you do this, you’ll notice that you are slowly learning how to be kinder to yourself and will feel more content. Additionally, as your inner self grows, so will your interpersonal connections.
8. Become Grounded
One of the best ways to look after your mental and emotional health is to stay grounded. But remember that even the most grounded individuals experience anxiety as life’s difficulties can affect anyone.
However, you are less likely to become overwhelmed by upsetting events when you are grounded. You might veer off-course, but if that does happen, you can quickly correct yourself to keep your balance.
Pay close attention to your feet whenever you feel uneasy or afraid. Keep in mind that the floor supports you and that they are rooted to the ground.
Try to refocus your attention on the present moment and ground yourself there. Getting your thoughts out of your head could make you feel calmer and more in control. In turn, you also learn how to be kinder to yourself.
9. Be Grateful
Taking time to be grateful on purpose increases your happiness and can help you stop thinking about your problems.
In addition, practicing gratitude enables you to focus on the things you already have rather than on what you lack, which is a great way to develop a more positive mindset.
Start by listing five things each day for which you are grateful. Even the smallest things can inspire gratitude, such as a hot cup of coffee, a particularly sunny morning, or even the awareness you have another day to live.
These can be basic things you should be grateful for and help you know how to be kinder to yourself and others.
10. Do What You Enjoy
By doing what you enjoy, your creative process will be significantly accelerated, and you’re more likely to come up with original ideas.
In the long run, doing what you love will make you move up the ladder because it will make your life more enjoyable and improve in different aspects.
Doing what you love is a way to be kind to yourself because you will not be demanding from yourself what you do not have or cannot give.
Perhaps you define self-kindness as engaging in activities like reading, dancing, listening to music, calling a loved one, or playing board games with your family.
Maybe it’s something completely different too. Whatever it is, acknowledge that doing it makes you happy and make an effort to do it more frequently, even while finding other things you like.
11. Stop Aiming For Perfection
Setting yourself up for failure is what happens when you demand perfection of yourself. After all, perfection is impossible to attain.
Making your success impossible is perhaps the cruelest thing you can do to yourself. Aim to improve one step at a time rather than setting a standard of “perfection.”
12. Appreciate Your Senses
Reading, thinking, working, and making sense of the world are significant components of contemporary life. But fortunately, self-kindness can be found everywhere, even in simple, pleasant tastes, smells, or sights.
It can make you happy to eat a delicious meal or smell your favorite perfume. So never forget to treat yourself to the gift of enjoying the little things in life, no matter what else may be going on.
This is because doing so can alter how you view yourself and the world.
13. Face Your Difficult Emotions
Life is hectic and full of stressors related to family, relationships, and work for most people. Parts of your life may suffer due to this reality and the mounting pressures of modern society and technology.
As a result, challenging feelings can manifest, including anger, confusion, fear, loneliness, and sadness, to name a few. These emotions are frequently the most challenging and constant forces in your life.
Being mindful is the key to getting past them. You can relax and soothe yourself by engaging in mindfulness practices. You have time to pause in this state and respond thoughtfully instead of reflexively.
It can be uncomfortable to sit by yourself and think. Therefore, you must practice being kinder to yourself, especially when times are tough.
When we stop referring to difficult emotions as such, they can teach us a lot. Try to stop avoiding your own difficult emotions by becoming aware of when and how you do it.
This will enable you to learn how to be kinder to yourself even in difficult situations because you will be aware of your strengths and weaknesses.
14. Embrace Yourself
Physical care and affection are nourishing, reassuring, and loving. You can give yourself a hug or pat on the arm to feel these things, even if you’re by yourself.
These physical actions have lowered cortisol or naturally occurring stress levels. If you consider it kind to hug another person, why not a self-hug? That is another way to be kind to yourself!
15. Take Proper Rest
“It’s a good idea always to do something relaxing before making an important decision in your life.”- Paulo Coelho.
In today’s hectic world, taking a nice nap is necessary, and sleep is the most important aspect of maintaining one’s mental health. You should take between six to eight hours of sleep to have the energy to finish your jobs and chores.
Additional Things To Do To Be Kinder To Yourself
1. Spend Quality Time With Safe People
Spending time with people who help you grow is another crucial aspect of knowing how to be kinder to yourself. This does not necessarily mean that you neglect your own needs in favor of spending time with others.
Instead, it means that you should aim to spend time with the people you view as your happy place and haven, who offer you a sense of security.
As a result, you can develop healthy relationships and rely on someone to vent to when necessary.
2. Reward Yourself Often
If you finish your task on time or every task on your to-do list, you’re due for a treat. Did you get through the day without breaking? Treat yourself.
In the same way, you would reward a friend or loved one for doing something good, make it a habit to reward yourself too. It’s an excellent place to start practicing being kind to yourself.
3. Self Develop
Self-development activities like brushing up a skill, reading, and enhancing your knowledge horizon are activities that help you show kindness to yourself.
It shows that you value yourself and you want the best for yourself. Self-development helps you focus, remember things, show empathy, and communicate better. It can lessen stress, enhance mental health, and lengthen your life.
4. Keep A Journal
Writing has a very therapeutic feel to it, and keeping a journal is an excellent way to introspect and dissect how you feel if you do not feel safe enough to share with a friend or family.
Journaling also improves your communication skills.
Conclusion
With so many factors beyond your control, life can be difficult. In addition, the emotional eruption that develops during trying times is challenging to control.
When you begin to feel out of control or hopeless, taking these steps I stated above can help you to know how to be kinder to yourself.
You can reduce the impact of stress on your emotional health when you are more kind to yourself.
So, tell me, which of these tips stood out for you, and where will you be starting from? The comments section is wide open!
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