No one likes a chronic complainer. If you are one, this article will help you with a few ways on how to stop complaining and be more intentional about being a delightful person to be around. People tend to express their displeasure in varying ways.
Complaining occasionally is very typical for a person, but when it becomes incessant, it becomes very exhausting to stay around such a person. The common thing about complainers is that they always have a truckload of things to complain about.
From unending complaints about their family, finances, coworkers, bosses, weight, looks, the traffic or even the weather, the list is endless. Chronic complainers find faults in almost everything and almost everyone except for themselves.
If you are a chronic complainer, you might have noticed that people quickly tire of you and withdraw from your company, and this is because no one likes to soak up all that negative energy.
How To Stop Complaining – 10 Ways
Here are 10 steps on how to stop complaining about everything.
1. Learn That Change Is Constant
A common adage says the only constant thing in life is change. Well, that is true. We all experience change throughout our lives. No matter who we are or where we come from, we cannot escape this phenomenon.
And if we are being honest, we all know that change is not the most pleasant thing in life. This is because it requires us to step out of our comfort zone. However, change is one of the most necessary things in life.
It is a sign of growth and a symbol of life. From the change we experience from being toddlers to being children and then adults to the change we experience when we get a new job, every stage of our lives demands something from us, which can be tasking.
However, complaining would not make it better. Nobody ever refused to go to college simply because they loved the colour of their high school building or because they loved their high school classmates so much.
On the contrary, they kept moving on and evolving as circumstances changed. We will find more peace and contentment once we accept this unchanging truth about life. And that counts for us as the first step towards progress.
Learning to adapt is imperative when learning how to stop complaining about life. Realizing that change is constant and inevitable is critical to having a more positive outlook towards life and experiencing overall well-being.
2. Do Away With Negative Friends
Doing away with negative friends can be difficult, but it is for your good. If you find yourself with friends who fuel and encourage your complaints because they are also chronic complainers, then you should rethink your friendship clique.
This is because you are the average of the friends you keep. If you are learning how to stop complaining, then you should critically analyze and assess your friendship circle and the kind of people you have been hanging out with.
It could be that your friends never see any positive thing to say about anything, and so you have unconsciously started emulating them. Remember that birds of a feather flock together.
If your circle consists of people who bring negative energy or only talk about others negatively, consider letting them go. Try connecting with people who are much more positive and less draining.
Associate with people who are less judgmental and opinionated about other people. You will be surprised by the tremendous impact that would make on your life. After all, your association in life also determines your assimilation in life.
You might also find that you are constantly complaining about your relationships. This may be because they don’t serve you, and you wonder how to stop complaining in a relationship you are so invested in.
Well, the answer is not far-fetched. Instead of constantly complaining about your partners’ shortcomings and faults, you can choose to recognize and appreciate what they are doing well when they make an effort.
3. Find Silver-linings
Finding the silver lining in certain unfavorable situations can be difficult, but it is a step towards how to stop complaining. By now, you must have seen so many times that life does not always go the way we planned it all out in our heads.
How we expect things to go is not always how they go. At times things always come with a twist. You may be on vacation with your family and be randomly called to do extra work because it is an emergency and no one else does it as skillfully as you.
You may apply to a particular college of your choice and get rejected, only for you to get accepted by another. You may catch the bus a little later than usual and have to forfeit your favorite spot.
In such a situation, you can take advantage of the situation and get to know the person beside you.
The list of seeming disappointments goes on and on, but what differentiates you from the millions of people who do not get what they want in life and end up bitter is that you choose to see the bright side of things.
You decide to see the silver lining in the circumstance and turn the disappointments into diverse opportunities for yourself.
Finding the silver lining in a bad situation does not mean you will commit emotional suicide and deny feeling what you are going through.
However, it just means you mentally steer yourself in a positive direction while acknowledging the negative circumstance. Because the more we face our most challenging times with hope, the stronger we will become.
4. Practice Gratitude
The opposite of being a person of gratitude is being a complainer. If you want to know how to stop complaining, instead of focusing so much on what is not going well, you could focus on the many things that are going well.
Start by being grateful that you are here and for what you have so far, no matter how little. Many people would give anything to be in the position that you are in today.
It would be best to be grateful for how far you have come. Be thankful that the sun shines over your head and the rain pours on you in the right season. All this is proof that so long there is life, there is also hope.
Many people fail to see that gratitude is an application for more goodness. The more appreciative you are, the more good things you attract because whatever you focus on somehow multiplies.
If you focus and complain about bad things, you probably have more bad things lined up. It is commonly said that an ungrateful person is on track for more negative experiences.
If you are the kind of person that, when a plan falls through, you complain so much, but when it goes perfectly well, you do not express gratitude, you should change your attitude.
Expressing gratitude is one of the easiest routes on how to stop complaining all the time because you are doing the exact opposite. Research shows that counting up to at least three blessings a day is a way to get an immeasurable boost in happiness and energy.
If you struggle with practicing gratitude, read my post on how to practice gratitude everyday here.
5. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a type of meditation. It helps anyone with a problem with complaining know how to stop complaining. It is about focusing intensely on what you sense and feel in the moment without interpretation or judgement.
When you practice mindfulness, you relax your mind and your body. Instead of spending your time complaining or thinking about the things that did not go well during the day or the past days, you focus on the present and things in your environment.
Complaining can leave you drained and exhausted, so it is essential to decide and practice a redirection of your attention from negative thoughts and engage with the world around you instead. There are a few ways to practice mindfulness.
This includes taking out time to experience your environment with all your senses. Try to experience the wind coming through your window or the sun rays falling into your room. Enjoy the sweet aroma of the coffee brewing in your kitchen.
You can also practice mindfulness by living in the moment instead of deliberating and meditating on the things that didn’t go as planned.
Mindful people have decided to be conscious of their actions and apply themselves to their thoughts more carefully. Mindful people are people who have decided to have the ultimate power over the trajectory of their thoughts.
Mindful people treat themselves as they would treat a good friend. If you have ever asked yourself, ‘How do I train myself to stop complaining’ then practicing mindfulness is one way to start.
6. Stop Being Judgmental
One thing is sure. If you are judgmental, no one will ever be good enough in your sight or be up to your vague standards of perfection. You are always going to have a thing or two to complain about someone.
So, if you are looking for how to stop complaining, you should stop judging others since nobody, including you, is perfect at the end of the day. You also do not know why they act as they do because you have never had to be in their shoes.
Instead of being judgmental, you can practice praising people more often by deciding to look out for their good traits and appreciate them. You can intentionally find out their strengths and be affirmative about them.
When you start doing that, you will realize you now complain about them less. If you have a coworker who is usually late to work, instead of going about judging them, you could affirm them.
It could be because their workspace is always so organized, and by doing that, you are practicing how to stop complaining in the workplace; you may not even realize it, but you suddenly begin to become a better person. All the negative energy within begins to disappear.
7. Accept Responsibility
You know how to stop complaining when you start taking responsibility. One thing that is noticeable about people who are constantly complaining is that they avoid taking responsibility.
They avoid taking responsibility for why their life is seemingly not going as planned and would rather complain since it is easier to handle. Blaming others for your circumstances in life is easy. But it is not going to make the problems go away.
Being introspective and taking action will make you feel better about the situation. Complaining about what is going wrong in your life will not make you happier.
It may make you feel better for just a moment, but ultimately you are going to be miserable and lose people. Embracing responsibility is a way of exercising and showing maturity. It shows inherent power and your power to control certain things.
You may not be able to control all circumstances, but you have the power to respond to them appropriately and, this time around, choose the outcome you want.
For instance, if you are always doing poorly in a particular course at school. Instead of complaining to everyone about how the lecturer does not like you and blaming your inability to do well on him, you can take responsibility and find out why you are not doing well.
Then try to spend extra hours studying the course, sourcing supplementary materials for a better understanding, and ultimately pay more attention in class. Doing this allows you to adjust your actions and be responsible.
8. Focus On Solving The Problem
If you tend to ruminate over problems and focus on setbacks instead of progress, here is how to stop complaining for a change. First, step back and look at the big picture properly.
In that way, you try to challenge yourself to focus on finding a solution to the problem. When something does not go as planned, whether at work with your boss or with your parents at home or school, focus on finding ways to solve the problem.
Because concentrating on the problem will only magnify it more than it truly is. To focus on problem-solving, you must start from your mind, as that is where everything begins.
In your mind, you should start thinking about the different ways to make the particular situation better. You can also think about creating something positive out of the problem.
Try as much as possible always to visualize the outcome you want so that you know exactly what you are striving for, make strategic plans on how to get there then begin to execute those action plans.
For example, as a graphic or fashion designer, a client may have rejected your work because they didn’t like the delivery. Instead of feeling bad and probably complaining to a friend about how no one ever appreciates your work, you could find possible ways to improve.
You can do this by getting constructive feedback and solving the problem instead.
9. Talk About Your Feelings In A Healthy Way
One of the steps on how to stop complaining is by talking about how you feel but not by complaining and whining. Now, whenever you feel like opening your mouth and complaining to the next person beside you, stop and start and end with positive statements.
You can point out the things that went well instead of just discarding the positive things and looking for only the negative ones to discuss. You could address a genuine concern or a need that can lead to a solution.
That is talking constructively and not just complaining. You can also decide to start communicating properly instead of complaining.
For instance, if you are always complaining about how your partner does not contribute to the chores at home, you can choose to communicate by talking about specific behaviors and specific action points that he can take.
This will make your partner empathize with you and improve. Also, another way to talk about how you feel healthily without complaining is to be an active listener.
Instead of constantly complaining about all the bad things happening in your life, you can occasionally listen to others. This will help you on how to stop complaining and nagging other people.
10. Learn To Adapt
Another tip on how to stop complaining is to adapt to the circumstance or the change happening around you. By adapting to situations in life, you are choosing to accept conditions as they come. This does not, however, translate to complacency.
You can adapt by considering the situation an opportunity rather than an untenable obstacle. If your new job seems stressful, you could learn to adapt to the work routine; in that way, you have learned how to stop complaining at work.
Imagine one of your parents was transferred to a new and strange city. This would mean that you have to leave everyone you know behind and start over because of the nature of your parent’s job. A common and easy thing to do is complain about how unfair life is.
But this will not make you feel better or even solve your problem. However, you can adapt to the situation and intentionally decide to find ways of falling in love with the town and the people.
You can also make an effort to make new friends at school. This will even make you happier and less miserable. There are other ways to learn to adapt to situations. You can decide to focus on your values instead of your fears.
You probably don’t want to relocate because you fear no one will like you at the new school. But letting go of that fear will be liberating, and going ahead to socialize will make the other kids receptive towards you.
And you would be surprised at the outcome of things. You can also find humor in your situation and refuse to complain.
Conclusion
Life is always full of twists and turns, and many things will not always go as you would prefer, but you are not alone. However, complaining will only leave you feeling miserable and bitter, which will, in turn, kill every form of innovation and creativity you have within you.
The time invested in complaining could be used in adapting to the situation, practicing and showing gratitude, finding solutions to the problem or finding the silver lining.
That’s how to stop complaining and live your best life in any situation.
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