The question of how to stop being a perfectionist should not be taken lightly. People with perfectionist tendencies get frustrated, angry, and even withdraw from others when something isn’t done perfectly or exactly how they would prefer it to be done.
This often becomes a problem not just for that particular task but for the perfectionist and those around them. If you are a perfectionist, it can be a constant battle to determine where to draw the line between whether something is good enough or needs more work.
Perfectionism is that annoying little voice in your head reminding you how things could be better. Perfectionism is not a good trait in general.
There’s always something to work on. Even if you get a perfect score, it’s never good enough because perfection doesn’t exist.
It’s like the guy constantly reviewing his high school photos for all the better poses he could have struck or the girl hanging around in front of the mirror for hours on end, trying to get her hair just right.
It is frustrating, annoying and rarely ends well because the perfectionist is rarely satisfied due to how high they’ve set the bar for themselves.
It can be difficult to stop being a perfectionist, but it’s not impossible. There are many steps you can take to overcome it. However, the first step is to ensure you don’t doubt your ability to stop being a perfectionist.
Meaning Of A Perfectionist
Let us give some scope to our discussion; what does it mean to be a perfectionist?
A perfectionist is a person who is very critical about and hard on themselves. Perfectionism is a character trait that describes someone with an unhealthy anxiety about letting others see imperfections.
If you are the type of person who avoids making mistakes at all costs; is constantly asking for help, trying to avoid looking like a ‘fool’; stresses over whether or not your work will be good enough, then you might be a perfectionist.
If you suspect you are and want to hang around to learn how to stop being a perfectionist, keep reading!
Perfectionism makes you consumed by unrealistic expectations of yourself, an inability to be satisfied with your accomplishments, and a fear of letting others see you as less than your best.
Perfectionists strive for high standards, yet they also worry they’re not living up to them. Perfectionists find it very difficult to feel good enough about themselves or something they have done.
They may also find it difficult to accept their own mistakes and shortcomings. Perfectionism is a common trait among many people who are seeking perfection in their lives.
For example, the term perfectionist can refer to somebody that wants everything to be perfect, including themselves, family and others.
Such people will do all they can to avoid any mistakes. However, the problem with perfectionists is that they have an overbearing nature which brings about the feeling of frustration and disappointment for not achieving their goals.
The desire to be perfect is a shared obsession. You might suffer from perfectionism if you have to look, act, and perform at an unrealistic standard that nobody else can live up to.
Perfectionism can apply to your physical appearance, professional success, or efforts to please others. Perfectionism is a slippery slope.
One minute you’re being extra careful, and the next, you’re stressed, putting pressure on yourself, and avoiding all opportunities for success because you feel all your efforts are not good enough.
Hence, you keep reaching for something further or unattainable. So it only makes sense that you figure out how to stop being a perfectionist!
Causes Of Perfectionism
You need to figure out what causes perfectionism to overcome it.
When you realize that you are stressing over every little detail and can never seem satisfied with your efforts, or you don’t know how to overlook even your smallest mistakes without criticizing yourself, you might be dealing with perfectionism.
A perfectionist personality is often a result of several things, from genetics to environment. Many factors can give rise to perfectionism, but the most common causes are listed below. They include:
1. Childhood experiences, i.e. rigid parental expectations
2. Low self-esteem
3. Feelings of inadequacy
4. The desire to always be in control
5. Having self-worth that is dependent on achievements
6. Fear of judgment or disapproval from others
7. Fear of making mistakes
Can Perfectionism Be Cured?
We’ve identified some causes of perfectionism, and the next important question is, can perfectionism be cured?
Perfectionism cannot be cured because it is not a sickness, per se. So rather than seeking to ‘cure’ perfectionism, like it is a sickness, we can take continuous measures to defeat it.
It is better to see perfectionism through a positive lens, allowing us to constantly improve our efforts rather than being satisfied with the barest minimum or low performances.
The truth is that we all make mistakes in the course of living, so being unafraid of failure makes us happier, healthier people. Getting rid of perfectionism means getting rid of the fear of failure within you.
Perfectionism is a personality trait that often happens on extreme ends; some people see it as a badge of honor, while others fear its negative outcome.
When someone is a perfectionist, they usually do not want to fail, and they try to avoid any form of failure at all costs.
Rather than learning from their mistakes, they blame themselves for their mistakes and feel they cannot improve next time because they have learned so little from their last attempt or failure.
The balance lies in the middle, where you can give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done while seeking ways to do better in the future.
Is Perfectionism A Mental Disorder?
Some cases of perfectionism can be alarming, raising the question, is perfectionism a mental disorder?
Perfectionism in itself is not classified as a mental disorder. However, it is commonly linked to other personality disorders like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety. It can also be a symptom of a personality disorder.
Individuals with perfectionist traits have a fixed mindset that makes them suffer significantly from perceived failures or when something does not go their way.
This fixed mindset is the opposite of a growth mindset, which allows an individual to see setbacks as opportunities for improvement.
Nevertheless, constant perfectionism can trigger high anxiety levels, compromising an individual’s mental health. For this reason, it is essential to know how to stop being a perfectionist.
Are Perfectionists Born Or Made?
Perfectionism can be a very annoying habit, especially when we encounter perfectionists. Therefore, it becomes vital to know, are perfectionists born or made?
Perfectionists can either be born or made. If an individual has a parent with a perfectionist trait, they may exhibit some of those tendencies as well because of influence.
An individual can also become a perfectionist due to environmental causes like pressure and constant external disapproval.
In reality, everyone has a bit of perfectionism: Have you ever gone through a period in your life where you just wanted to be the best at everything? You wanted to make sure you were perfect in every way.
For example, getting your dream job and wanting to impress your boss and colleagues. Some situations in life can trigger perfectionist traits in you.
However, the truth remains that perfectionism does not only make you unhappy. On the contrary, it stresses you out and can cause a lot of anxiety.
How To Stop Being A Perfectionist
Consider these 10 ways that you can put into practice how to stop being a perfectionist:
1. Be Aware Of And Recognize Your Tendencies
For most people, there is usually a trigger for their perfectionist tendencies – if it does not involve every aspect of their life. So to stop being a perfectionist, you must be aware of those conditions that make you more critical than usual.
For example, some people are more critical regarding their talents or skills than other aspects of their lives. For some people, it can be their families, spouses, or children. Whatever the case, you must be aware of what sparks your perfectionism.
Awareness of these tendencies will enable you to notice when they come into play. In addition, if you know those areas that make you show perfectionist tendencies, you will be more equipped to correct them. This is the first step in how to stop being a perfectionist.
2. Embrace Thought Processes That Are Different From Yours
The perfectionist often believes that their way of doing or seeing things is the best, so others who do not see things that way are wrong. This is why a suitable method on how to stop being a perfectionist at work is to consider the ideas of others.
While at work, it is common to feel sensitive about a task that you’ve put all your efforts into when someone points out something that needs to be changed. This may provoke anger or agitation.
Instead, it helps to be aware that you cannot know it all and that in a work environment, especially, teamwork makes the dream work.
It is easy to think that your way is the best, but seeing things from others’ perspectives can create a better approach than just a one-sided approach.
3. Be Conscious Of How You Communicate With Others
When it comes to overcoming perfectionism, communication is vital. When you think of how to stop being a perfectionist in relationships, communicating your thoughts and feelings can help others to be aware and sensitive to your tendencies.
With a friend, it helps to be honest and tell them how you feel the pressure to do things in a certain way or why you want to do things a certain way.
This will give you the necessary support system that will allow you to embrace your work without being too critical of yourself or others.
Also, be conscious of how others communicate with you. If you are not mindful of this or open to suggestions, you might miss out on others trying to let you know that you’re being too critical or a perfectionist.
It helps to keep an eye out for communication signals and work with them. You might catch yourself criticizing others without even realizing it!
4. Set Realistic And Reasonable Goals
Perfectionism often sets in when we set unrealistic goals. These goals put pressure on you because deep down, you know it is unattainable, but you think you would not be satisfied with anything less.
Instead of setting unreasonable goals and becoming upset when you cannot reach them, you should set more realistic goals that can lead to bigger goals.
The problem with setting impossible goals is that they are often unachievable. A person who sets an unattainable goal will feel guilty when they only achieve a fraction of that goal.
Set goals that are within your reach so you can celebrate small victories. For example, instead of asking yourself, “How can I lose 50 pounds a year?” set a smaller goal such as “I want to lose 1 pound every week.”
You can also write your accomplishments in a journal or logbook. This will help you see how far you’ve come and how much further you must go. To know if the goals you’ve set are realistic and reasonable, read the guide here.
5. Be Okay With Making Mistakes
As you learn more and more about how to stop being a perfectionist, you will find it necessary to know how to accept making mistakes. Mistakes are part of learning, so don’t be afraid to make them. Just learn from them and move on.
Changing your mindset is the best way to be less of a perfectionist. For example, don’t criticize yourself when you make a mistake; instead, ask: “What can I learn from this?”
When things aren’t going well in your life or work — when there are problems — try to look at them as opportunities for growth rather than as evidence that something is wrong with you as an individual or with your life in general.
It’s easy to get caught up in this idea that we need to be perfect at everything, especially when it comes to our work. But we also want other people to think highly of us.
This can lead us down a rabbit hole where we spend too much time focusing on what others think instead of doing what we need to do to reach our goals. This is why the first step in learning to be okay with making mistakes is to accept that you will make them.
6. Focus On The Positives
One of the best ways to overcome perfectionism and do better in regards to how to stop being a perfectionist is to focus on all the things you do right and stop focusing on all the things you could be doing wrong.
While this may sound like it’s going against everything you’ve ever learned about yourself, it’s not too difficult if you make an effort.
Start by writing down everything that goes well for you every day or week, and then write down everything that doesn’t go well for you. This will help you see where your focus should be.
Use positive affirmations to encourage yourself too. Your brain operates on positive feedback — if something feels good and your brand receives positive feedback from doing it, it will encourage you to keep doing it repeatedly.
Say something nice to yourself or treat yourself whenever you achieve a goal rather than thinking of what you could have done better. To set aside perfectionism, you must replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
7. Be Open To Receiving Criticism
One of the most common problems people have with perfectionism is that they are afraid to receive criticism. They don’t want others to think they’re not good enough, so they go out of their way to hide their mistakes.
But this creates enormous problems because it makes you live in fear and hide from reality. If you’re living in fear, you’ll never be happy and satisfied with your life because you’ll always look for ways to make yourself comfortable. That’s not how it works!
The best way to deal with criticism is by accepting it and learning from it, but only if you’re ready. For example, if someone says something negative about you, consider what they meant and why they said it.
Then ask yourself if there might be something in there that’s true or useful for you. You need to learn how to accept criticism from others without feeling hurt or offended by it.
Receiving feedback without getting angry or resentful when someone points out something negative about your work will help you become less obsessive about trying to fix everything that goes wrong. This is key when learning how to stop being a perfectionist.
The most important thing here is listening without defending yourself or arguing with the person who criticized you. Don’t forget that everyone makes mistakes sometimes, so don’t take their words personally or assume they have bad intentions.
Keep calm, listen carefully and respond with an apology if needed but don’t let guilt get in the way.
8. Stop Putting Pressure On Yourself
If you stop putting pressure on yourself, things will go much smoother. When you’re relaxed and confident in what you’re doing, the result will be better — whether it’s an essay, a presentation, an interview, a test, or an exam.
The key is not to worry about every little thing; instead of worrying about whether this part will look good enough when people look at it, concentrate on ensuring that what you’re doing is suitable for the task.
This is the most important thing you can do to stop being a perfectionist. You can’t control other people’s behavior, but you can manage your own. So, stop putting pressure on yourself, and you’ll start to hack how to stop being a perfectionist.
9. Prioritize Meaning Over Perfection
The issue with perfectionism is that it makes you focus excessively on the end result and forget to enjoy the process. If you want to learn how to stop being a perfectionist, an excellent place to start is by focusing on producing meaningful work first.
Embrace the process, not just the result. This way, you do not attach your self-worth or sense of achievement to that specific result that you were gunning for.
This allows you to see how the process has made you a better person and learn valuable lessons from them.
10. Adjust Your Expectations To Be Okay With Small Changes
Adjusting your expectations means accepting that it is okay to take little steps to achieve something big rather than outrightly doing something grand.
Small changes can also lead to great things. Little drops of water make an ocean. Sometimes, it will feel like you are not making much progress in your journey to stop being a perfectionist.
During these times, it helps to remember that it may just be your need for perfectionism that is setting in. Realize that changes often take time and that not all changes are instant. This will help you to embrace your journey as you practice how to stop being a perfectionist.
Conclusion
I hope this article helped you tremendously. If you’re hesitant about trying out these tips, I’ll advise you to stop overthinking it and start doing it — because perfectionism always means you are holding back for a better result in the future.
You can try something and see if it works. If it doesn’t, no big deal. Let go, move on, and try again. This is how to stop being a perfectionist.
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